


Bound To You

by MyJediLife



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is an asshole, Domestic Violence, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, Rey (Star Wars) is a Mess, Slow Burn, Smut, Soul Bond, Soulmates, SwoloFic, rey is a mother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2019-11-24 20:44:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18169637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife
Summary: "There is no such thing as a soulbond. You can't be mystically bound to another person!"-The famous last words of a Ben Solo in deep denial.The soulmates fic I never knew I wanted to write, but now can't stop myself from writing.Please forgive me.





	1. Fell In Love Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks be to my wonderful Beta & moodboard artist - [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite).. I honestly don't know how she puts up with me sending her a gazillion updates a week, but she is amazeballs!
> 
> Also, thanks to my girls in the Den - Crouton, Lee, Waffles, Dalzo, Em - you are enablers, and I should never listen to you lot ever again - but you know I will! <3
> 
> Thank you to @MizuPhoenix for helping me come up with the name of the NSOC, and to @CosmoGonika for coming up with Dream Bonds. You ladies are amazing!
> 
> And yet another thanks to [GreyForceUser](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyForceUser), who has gifted me a moodboard which will be added to the chapter as well once I have it. Love ya, girl! <3

**"Last night I fell in love without you.**  
**I waved goodbye to that heart of mine**  
 **Beating solo on your lawn"**

**-Fell In Love Without You by Motion City Soundtrack**

 

Ben Solo found his soulmate by complete accident.

 

He was a creature of habit. He would wake every morning at precisely 0500, and would work out in his home gym for an hour before grabbing a shower and dressing for the day. He would spend the next thirty minutes reading the newspaper and preparing anything he needed for his lectures that day, and at 0630 he would go to Kanata’s Café for breakfast and coffee.

 

Breakfast was always the same – three eggs over easy, three strips of bacon – cooked crisp, not limp – two pieces of wheat toast, lightly buttered, and a cup of coffee as black as his soul.

This morning he had been greeted by a torrential downpour when he stepped outside his apartment building, and he huffed a sigh of pure annoyance as he opened his umbrella and started down the street, hating the feel of the rain water hitting his shoes already. He _hated_ the rain.

 

The bell jangled above the door of Kanata’s as he pulled it open, closing his umbrella and setting it beside the door to dry, his nose wrinkling slightly and his mouth starting to water as he made his way to his normal booth, one that afforded him a view of the door and his back against a wall. He was not a man who liked surprises.

 

The television was on the morning news, and Ben snorted as he heard the reporter talking. _In Washington today, legislators will start proceedings to develop what they hope will be new laws to protect those citizens who become soulbound to children…_ Rolling his eyes, Ben muttered to himself, “That is the biggest fucking crock of shit I have ever heard. You can’t be mystically bound to some person… unbelievable.”

 

A tired-looking waitress approached, and Ben narrowed his eyes, snorting as she said, “Good morning, welcome to Kanata’s! Do you need a minute to look at the menu?” Ben shook his head as he looked at her nametag. _Rey. What kind of fucking name is that? Did her parents hate her? Maybe it’s a British thing._

 

“Since you’re new here, and apparently fresh off the boat from cheery old England, I’ll tell you my order once. Don’t fuck it up. Where’s Carolyn? She’s my normal waitress, and she at least knows my fucking order.” Ben scowled at Rey, and she almost took a step backwards as she noticed the vein in his neck throbbing. What the hell had she done?

 

Licking her lips nervously, Rey replied, “Um, she is home with her son, I believe. He’s sick.”

 

“For fuck’s sake. Little germ bags. Thankfully, I don’t have any of them. Now, my order: three eggs over easy, three strips of bacon – crisp, because I swear to fuck if they don’t stand straight up when I pick it up, you’ll be wearing them – two pieces of wheat toast, lightly buttered, and a cup of coffee. No creamers, no sugars – black. You got that, _Rey_?”

 

“Y-yes sir,” Rey said softly, backing away from the booth and snapping around to take his order ticket to the kitchen window.

 

“Who is that?” Rey whispered to Kaydal as they stood, wrapping silverware as they waited for their orders to come up to the window. “He’s terrifying!”

 

“Oh, he’s some big name Ethics professor at the University,” Kaydal said softly. “Make sure his order is perfect, or he will lose his shit. Maz and Carolyn are the only ones who can handle his antics. Good luck!” Kaydal patted her arm sympathetically as the cook rang the bell, indicating an order was done. “Table 9!”

 

_Fuck. Time to deliver the food to Mr. Cheerful._

 

After grabbing the man’s order, Rey plastered on a cheerful smile before making her way back to his table, setting the plate of food down in front of him before setting his coffee cup down and pouring from the pot in her opposite hand. At the same time, someone’s young child decided to start sprinting towards the exit, and as he collided with Rey’s leg, she started to fall forward, hot coffee squirting from the pot in a slow arc before splashing onto the shirt of one hotshot Ethics professor, who was now standing up – and Jesus, he was tall – and yelling for Maz.

 

Luckily, the mother of the errant child came up, apologizing profusely to both Rey and Ben, her voice halting as Ben glowered at her, his left eye twitching as he stood there, his fists clenching and unclenching over and over again.

 

Rey acted on instinct, leaning over and picking the child off the floor, and as the little boy burst into tears, Rey gave his mother a sympathetic smile. “He’s okay, just a bit of a tumble. I’ve a son myself, just turned 3, and…”

 

“You spilled coffee on _me,_ possibly causing serious burns, and you want to yammer about your little _street urchins_?” Ben said, his voice low and dangerous as he looked between the women. With a small gasp, the other woman grabbed her son’s hand before moving down the aisle, the little boy now wailing like a banshee.

 

Rey was shaking, and she did the first thing she thought of. She grabbed napkins from the dispenser on the table and started to dab at the man’s arm, trying to get the hot coffee off his skin. When her skin touched his it felt like a lightning bolt went through her, and she knew nothing would ever be the same.

 

She was now soulbound to the nastiest, rudest man she had ever met.

 

If the man felt anything, he didn’t react, instead he stood there scowling at her even more. “I’d like to speak to Maz. NOW!” Ben shouted, making Rey jump and nod, spinning around to make her way to Maz’s office in the back of the café. Rey was trembling from the encounter – she felt _different_ now, and her mind was swirling with a myriad of thoughts.

 

_We’re supposed to register now, so that we’re both protected. How in the fuck is that going to work?_

 

Her boss was already coming out of her office, having heard Ben’s shout, and as soon as she saw Maz, Rey burst into tears. The older woman sighed before pulling Rey into her comforting embrace, patting her back and murmuring, “There, there, dear child. Do not let Ben Solo upset you. He is an angry man, used to getting his own way.”

 

Rey sniffled, pulling away from Maz before whispering, “Maz… I… when I touched him, I was trying to make sure all the coffee I spilled was off him, and I touched him and… I felt it. The soulbond. I’m soulbound to an asshole!”

 

“Oh, dear child…” Maz said softly, pulling her into another embrace before planting a kiss to the top of Rey’s head. “Do not lose hope – perhaps being bound to you is exactly what Ben Solo needs. Now… let me go tend to his situation before he tears the place apart.” Maz let her go, heading down the short hallway and into the front of the café.

….

 

When Rey touched him, Ben felt _something_ hit his heart, the best way he could think to describe it would be the way it felt when you touched a bare wire, except the jolt that hit him was a million times more powerful – and he could now _feel her_ – right now she was in the back of the café, crying her eyes out.

 

He couldn’t care less. There was no way this side of hell – and maybe not even then – that he would ever allow some mystical bond to tie him to some waitress. As Maz approached, Ben looked down at the tiny woman, narrowing his eyes. “Maz, I have once again been unimpressed by your staff. This,” Ben pointed to his shirt, which now had several coffee stains on it from his wrist to his shoulder, “Is a $150 shirt. I will expect you to reimburse me for either a replacement or the cost of dry cleaning, due to the incompetence of your waitstaff.”

 

Maz looked at Ben’s shirt, clucking as she shook her head. “Dearest Professor Solo, when have I not taken care of your issues? The stains will dry clean out – I will cover the bill. Would you like me to bring you some more coffee, and perhaps a new plate of food? I am sure yours is cold by now.”

 

Ben narrowed his eyes as Maz spoke. He had to admit – he had a soft spot for her, and she had always made sure he was taken care of when he was dissatisfied with anything at the café. That was the reason he came here every morning. Leaning closer to the old woman, Ben said, “That waitress is never to serve me again, do you understand?”

 

“Of course, dear child, of course,” Maz said, patting Ben’s hand soothingly. “Now, let me go attend to getting you some new food and coffee, unless you have another concern that needs my attention?” Maz had a strange little smile on her face – the kind of smile she got when she thought she had the upper hand on a situation.

 

“Fine,” Ben said, his voice gruff as he settled back into his seat finally, his eyes going to his watch as he tried to figure out just how late this whole fiasco would make him. He could sense the annoyance – for that was how he would think of the waitress from now on – still weeping in the back of the café, and he rolled his eyes as Maz came back with a fresh pot of coffee, and as she carefully poured him a cup, Ben muttered, “Could you kindly tell the British fuck up to stop fucking crying?”

 

Shaking her head, Maz replied, “I never meddle in the affairs of the soulbonded. Oh yes, she told me, dear child. Perhaps you should talk to her?”

 

Ben raised one eyebrow at Maz’s words before replying, “There is no such thing as some mystical bond between two people. That’s simply bullshit, and we both know it. I have no reason to speak to that annoying woman ever again. You have always seemed like a logical person, Maz, perhaps you should make an appointment with your physician to make sure you aren’t starting to show signs of dementia?”

 

Maz simply smirked at the barb before replying, “My people are long-lived, Benjamin Solo! My mind is sharp as a tack, and will remain so for many years to come. Now, let me go see about your food so you can be on your way!”

 

Ben rushed through his breakfast after Maz brought it to him, and as he retrieved his umbrella and reached for the door, he could sense the annoyance watching him quietly from behind the counter. Turning to look over his shoulder, he narrowed his eyes at Rey, glaring at her until she looked away after a customer that required her attention. Even though he’d never admit it, he was somewhat impressed that she hadn’t looked away, though that thought was quickly banished as soon as he stepped outside and made his way to the University for a busy day of lectures.

 

….

 

On her lunch break, Rey slid into Maz’s office quietly, the older woman’s eyes coming up to meet hers. “Maz,” Rey said softly, “I was wondering if I might be able to use your computer? I-um…” Rey’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and Maz nodded as if she understood what she needed.

 

“You want to look up the rules regarding a soulbond?” Maz asked Rey, one hand coming up to grip the still distraught younger woman’s. “What does it feel like, precious child, to know that you have found the other half to your soul, and that no matter what happens, that person will always be there for you?”

 

“It’s terrifying,” Rey answered, a sob hitching in her throat as she thought about Ben Solo. “I need to find out how to get rid of it, Maz – there has to be a scientific way or something, right? I can’t be bound to someone like him! He can’t even stand the sight of me! He doesn’t even believe in soulbonds! I… when Thomas finds out… he…”

 

“Dearest Rey, we both know Thomas is not right for you, if he was, you wouldn’t be divorced, now would you? The greatest thing he did was give you your Rhys, am I correct? You are patient with that man, letting him live with you and your son with all his issues. You are afraid he will harm you in one of his stupors when he finds out?” Maz had a way of just knowing everything that a person was feeling, whether they said it or not. Rey had always loved that about her.

 

Her eyes filled with tears as Maz spoke, and Rey bit her bottom lip, nodding finally. She knew her ex husband was going to be less than happy when he found out she was soulbound to another. He was known for his foul temper – especially when he had been using or drinking. Rey feared for her safety, and that of their 3-year-old son Rhys’ – but she had nowhere else to go.

 

“Use my computer. Look at your options, dear girl. I do believe you will find that you have rights – and that those rights can be used to protect you and your precious Rhys. I will be back in thirty minutes.” Maz stood, patting Rey’s hand as she made her way out of the office.

 

Rey set to work, and after a half hour of browsing the _National Soulbond Oversite Committee’s_ website, Rey jumped as Maz re-entered the office. She had found some good information, and as the older woman patted her on the hand once more, Rey looked up at her and smiled. “Thanks, Maz. I… I’m gonna go down to the NSOC office and register us. I, um… well, he doesn’t have to do a thing. It’s just so the government knows. But… to answer your earlier question about how it feels? It’s… scary. Intense. Right now, I can tell you that he is content and comfortable. He’s in his element, and that makes him happy. I can _feel_ him. It’s the strangest feeling. I… I wish…” Rey let her words trail off as her throat formed yet another lump in it, and she swallowed hard around it, trying to avoid crying again.

 

“You wish he would accept it, and that he were a nicer man,” Maz said quietly. “Dear child, you two were soulbound for a reason. The universe doesn’t play around, it puts you with the perfect person for you. You, Rey Sands, are _exactly_ what Benjamin Solo needs.”

 

Rey let the tears fall again before shaking her head. “I don’t think so, Maz. But I guess we’ll see, right?”

….

 

She was fucking crying again, and it was driving him _insane_.

 

Ben had endured her incessant crying all day now, and he had a fucking headache the size of Death Valley. If the annoyance didn’t knock it off sometime soon, Ben was going to call Maz and tell her to send the twit home with a bottle of vodka. At least if she were drunk or asleep, he could have some fucking peace in his own mind.

 

He was in his fourth class of the day – Bioethics – and luckily, he was giving the class an exam. It was one that most of them would fail – which gave him a sick sense of glee inside – and as he sat behind a desk in the front of the lecture hall, he pulled out his cellphone, glancing at the website of the _National Soulbond Oversite Committee_ . It was purely for research, of course, because he was positive that _she, the annoyance_ , would attempt to register them as being soulbound, and Ben was certain he had some rights regarding it.

 

He was engrossed in reading when he heard his TA gasp over his shoulder, the girl exclaiming, “Professor Solo! You’re soulbound to someone? How exciting! I wish…”

 

Turning and fixing the girl with a glare, Ben snapped, “I am _not_! You can’t be mystically bound to another person. Don’t you have something else to do, Tina? Like, maybe overseeing this exam?”

 

“Oh, I am so sorry, Professor! Of course! Are you, um, doing research on the issue, then? Have you seen what they are doing in Washington with the new legislation they are trying to pass to protect those that are soulbound? I was thinking about writing my thesis on the ethical applications and issues of it…” Tina let her words trail off as Ben scowled at her, his jaw working as he fought back the urge to scream at the girl. She was a good TA, but today he didn’t have the patience to deal with her ramblings.

 

And then he felt a jolt of happiness rush through him, along with a flash of… was that a _child_?

He hated children with every fiber of his being. He wanted nothing to do with children. Little bags of germs, that’s all children were.

 

Ben tried to focus on anything _but_ the visions dancing through his head – a small, tow-headed child putting his hands up to be picked up, then demanding to be swung around in circles – _Mommy! I missed you!_ The little boy yelled, and Ben wanted to cover his ears to stop the incessant noise in his brain.

 

He needed a drink. He needed lots of drinks – and he needed them now. Maybe then it would stop whatever the fuck was happening in his head. Looking over at his TA, Ben asked her in a hushed tone, “Tina. Can you handle the rest of class on your own? Something important just came up, and I need to leave campus to deal with it.”

 

The girl nodded in return, and Ben stood, shoving papers and his phone into his briefcase before snapping it shut and murmuring a quick thanks to his TA before walking out of the lecture hall. There was a bar just around the corner from his apartment, and Ben would find his solace – and hopefully quiet whatever was going on in his brain. At least _she_ had stopped crying. Happiness he could get used to, but crying and sorrow – that would slowly drive him crazy until he found a way to block it out.

….

 

Rey was waiting for Ben outside his apartment building when he finally made his way home three hours later, slightly drunk and still as pissed about the situation as he had been that morning.

 

“What the fuck are _you_ doing here?” Ben growled as he saw her, his eyes flashing angrily at her.

 

“I, um, I’m sorry for invading your space like this,” Rey started, her eyes staying on the ground as she waved several pieces of paper at him. “I went to the NSOC office earlier to, um, register the soulbond, and, um…”

 

“No,” Ben said as he started towards the door of his building. “Fuck off. I’m not signing anything, because there is no silly soulbond. That’s just a stupid theory dreamers and mystics made up to justify people leaving their spouses for other people, or for poor people, like yourself, to claim they are bound to someone with wealth. I’m not signing anything, and, if you continue to harass me, I’ll have you arrested. Understood?” Ben was towering over her now, and she had never seen anyone look more angry as she glanced up at him.

 

Chewing on her bottom lip nervously, Rey said softly, “Look, I know you feel it too. And I’m not asking for anything from you. We’re just required to register, or we can be fined and possibly arrested. Please, Ben.”

 

“No. I’m not signing anything. Fuck you, and your imaginary soulbond,” with those final words, Ben turned, heading inside his building and leaving Rey stunned, her eyes following him the whole time.


	2. True Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denial ain't just a river in Egypt - but if it is - Ben Solo is living in a fucking yacht there.
> 
> (Thanks to my sprinters in the Den for that convo! <3)

 

 

 

**"I'm pathetic, overly apologetic**  
**I'm a tightrope tragedy**  
 **You're Chicken Little, I'm the monkey in the middle**  
 **There is something wrong with me"**

**-True Romance by Motion City Soundtrack**

 

Ben could sense _her_ watching him, and he sighed in annoyance, shuffling through papers on his desk – wait… his desk was at work. Last Ben knew – he had been at home. In bed. _What the actual fuck is going on here? How fucking drunk was I?_

 

“Go away,” Ben muttered, annoyed that she was even on the same planet as him.

 

“I can’t. I don’t know how,” Rey’s reply came from behind him, and Ben rolled his eyes, not bothering to turn in his chair before answering.

 

“Of course not. I’m still not signing those fucking papers,” Ben replied, wishing he could be anywhere else but… wherever the fuck he was.

 

“Look, Ben, I didn’t ask to be here either. I was at home, in bed, and next thing I knew – I was here, okay? I didn’t ask for the soulbond either. I just wanted to make sure we were following the protocol set in place by the government, so that both of us are protected. What’s so wrong with that?” Rey’s tone was quiet as she spoke, and Ben shook his head, his hair creeping onto his forehead before he swiped a hand at it in annoyance.

 

“There is no such thing as a soulbond. You can’t be mystically bound to another person. How many times do I have to say that before you believe it, or are you a complete moron? Only the mentally inept, the religious, the new-age hippies, and hopeless romantics think soulbonds are real. So, tell me, Rey – Miss Fresh Off The Boat from Merry Old England – which one are you? An idiot, a Bible thumper, a dirty hippie, or a future soap opera watching spinster?”

 

Ben was rewarded with the sound of her sobbing, and he turned finally, a smirk on his face. “Oh, did I guess right? Or did I just touch a nerve?” He tilted his head to one side, watching as she sobbed into her palms.

 

“I hate you!” Rey said between sobs as she crumpled to the ground on her knees. “You are the cruelest, meanest man I have ever met!”

 

“Good,” Ben said softly, “I’ve given you the right impression. Now, kindly fuck off and leave me alone.”

 

Ben watched as she disappeared, and instead of feeling happy, he only felt a sense of emptiness.

….

 

Rey woke the next morning, her eyes puffy and swollen from crying. Yawning, she got out of bed, doing her best not to wake Rhys until it was time to take him to daycare. She had a tiny one bedroom apartment that she rented, using money from both her jobs to pay for everything, since her ex-husband, Thomas, was a drunken deadbeat who only came around when he needed a place to sleep.

 

Rey’s routine was the same every day. She would wake at 5 in the morning, drink a pot of coffee before waking Rhys, and shuffling him off to daycare for the day before going into Kanata’s Café for the early morning shift. She would work at the café until 3, when she would pick Rhys up from daycare and take him to the babysitter’s, so that she could work the afternoon shift at Tico’s Crystal Emporium – a new-age healing shop just around the corner from her apartment.

 

Rose was going to lose her mind when Rey told her about the soulbond. She had become best friends with the owner’s daughter the first day they met, it seemed, and there wasn’t anything Rey couldn’t talk to her about.

 

She needed to talk to Rose – about the bond, about how different she felt. Because no matter where she went, no matter what she was doing… Ben was there. He was like this balm that covered all the parts of her soul that once ached for something more. Even though he was angry, cruel and the meanest person she had ever met – he was hers, just as she was his. He could deny it all he wanted, could pretend it didn’t exist, but Rey knew he felt it too. It was just as Maz had said, the universe didn’t bond you to someone that wasn’t perfect for you. Ben Solo needed her as much as she would need him someday. She just had to be patient.

 

Walking into work, Rey waited for Ben to arrive, resolve in her efforts to leave him alone. He would come around – he had to! All she had to do was give him time and space – at least that was her plan. So, when 6:30 came and went, and he wasn’t occupying his normal table, Rey panicked. Had she really scared him away that badly?

….

 

Ben woke at his usual time, already in a foul mood as he went through his morning routine. Now the annoyance was invading his dreams, and Ben found that even after she had disappeared, he had thought about her, hoping she was okay until he drifted off to sleep again – or had he ever been awake?

 

He needed to talk to someone about his rights in this whole mess.

 

Ben knew if he went to Kanata’s, _she_ would be there, and even if he ignored her, he would still _feel_ her eyes on him – which would annoy him even more than her mere existence did. He could feel her even now, as he took a shower after working out, and he mentally growled - _Go Away!_ – just in case she was listening.

 

Maybe they could find a way to end this obsession she now had with him – he could pay for her to have some intense psychotherapy, perhaps? Did they still do frontal lobotomies? That could be an option. He would have to reach out to Amilyn, she would know what therapies were available for mentally unstable individuals.

 

Going to the kitchen, Ben made his own breakfast, something he hadn’t done in four years. Somehow, Lucky Charms and coffee from his own coffee maker weren’t the same. Padding barefoot into his home office, Ben turned on his laptop and brought up a web browser. He needed to do research.

….

 

Rey didn’t notice the wet spot on the tile of the diner, and as she fell, the last thought she had was wondering if Ben had eaten anything that morning before work.

 

When she woke, it was in the back of an ambulance speeding down the street. The paramedic sitting beside her had kind eyes, and assured her that she was okay, and that she was going to the hospital to get stitches on her forehead. Apparently, she had hit her head on the corner of a table when she fell.

 

“Sweetheart, should we call anyone? A husband? A partner?”

 

Rey said the first thing that came to her pain med muddled mind, “My soulmate, Ben Solo.”

 

The paramedic smiled at her, her hand reaching out to adjust the wad of bandages on Rey’s head. “We’ll call him, no worries. We’ll be at the hospital soon.”

 

….

 

Ben was making his way into work – thankfully, the rain had stopped, so he could have dry feet today, when he felt _something_ rip through him, through his very _soul_ , it seemed. It was so sharp and sudden it made him stop in the middle of the sidewalk, his breath hitching in his throat as his head started pounding for some reason.

 

_What the actual fuck?!?!_ He thought to himself, one hand coming up to prod at his forehead, which was still pounding like there was a drum line inside it, practicing for their next football game. People were leveling glares at him for stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, making their way around him as they went about their business, and all Ben could do now was think – _Rey? What happened?_

 

After another moment’s contemplation, Ben started walking towards work again, his brows furrowed as he tried to ignore everything he was feeling, both in his head and in his heart.

His phone started to vibrate in his pocket during his first lecture of the day. Ignoring it, Ben continued with his presentation, trying to concentrate even though he knew something was wrong. He could feel it, as sure as he could feel the wood of the lecture podium beneath his hands.

 

According to the research he had done that morning, there wasn’t a lot that could be done for a soulbond. Of course, Ben didn’t believe in such a thing existing, but if he could help Rey through her belief in it, and possibly out of the obsession with him, he would. Amilyn had told him the same thing in the email he had received from her, in response to one of his own.

 

Of course, Amilyn had also told him that she believed in soulbonds, and that she thought both he and Rey would benefit from it.

 

He needed to find a new therapist – clearly.

 

His next email had been to his friend Poe Dameron, who was an attorney living in Washington DC. Poe’s response hadn’t been very reassuring. Basically, Poe had told Ben that he should sign the papers to register them as soulbound, if only to protect his own interests. The government had been working to set new legislature and new laws governing soulbonds, and it would only benefit Ben in the long run – especially after he had lost everything in his divorce four years prior.

 

_Including his soul – or at least Ben had thought so at the time._

 

Still, Ben felt trapped by some mystical belief system that he himself didn’t believe in. He didn’t believe that people could be bound to each other like that – it was akin to slavery, in his mind. People couldn’t own other people – so, why could one person lay claim to another’s soul? It simply didn’t make any sense to him.

 

As class ended and the students shuffled out of the room, Ben shoved his papers into his briefcase before heading to his office. He had three hours before his next lecture. As he walked across campus, his phone started vibrating again, and as he pulled it out of his pocket to answer, he saw that the call was coming from the hospital.

 

“Ben Solo,” he answered curtly, wondering just why the hospital was calling him.

 

“Mr. Solo, this is Kayla Kenobi, I’m a nurse in the emergency department at St. Rita’s Hospital,” a young sounding female’s voice informed him, and Ben sighed, rolling his eyes before interrupting.

 

“I don’t give a fuck what your name is – why are you calling me?” Ben demanded, finally reaching his office door. Setting his briefcase down, he dug his keys out of his pocket while he waited for the woman to continue.

 

“Oh… um,” the woman stuttered for a moment, continuing as Ben fit the key into the lock of his office door, turning the knob and pushing the door open as she started speaking again, “We have your soulmate here in the emergency room, Rey Sands…”

 

“No,” Ben said, one large finger mashing the button to disconnect the call as he picked up his briefcase and slammed the door shut behind him.

 

An hour later, with a pounding head and a foul temper, Ben arrived at the emergency room, growling Rey’s name at the unit secretary, who pointed with a shaking finger at one of the curtain-enclosed areas, marked by a “3” engraved on a metal plate hanging from the ceiling. As he stalked towards the area, a familiar face stepped in front of him before he could tear the curtain open and step inside.

 

“Benjamin,” the clipped British accent of Dr. Armitage Hux came to his ears, and Ben stopped, looking at his old friend, one brow rising questioningly before he greeted him.

 

“Armitage, I didn’t know you were working here now. Hell, I didn’t even know you were back from Guatemala yet – why didn’t you call me? We could have grabbed a beer or something!”

 

One corner of Hux’s mouth turned up in a smirk, and he remarked, “Because, I have been spending my time with my new wife – my soulmate.”

 

“Oh, fuck, not you, Armie…” Ben sighed, knowing he was about to receive one of Armitage Hux’s famous lectures – especially when Ben had simply come to pay the hospital bill for Rey’s care and make sure she got home okay – which was all he was required to do by law.

 

“Benjamin, stop acting as if it’s a terrible thing. Now, about _your_ soulmate,” Hux started, stopping when he saw Ben narrow his eyes at him.

 

“Stop. I don’t have a soulmate. For some reason, the girl is obsessed with me, has been since she spilled coffee on me yesterday at the café. You can’t be mystically bound to someone else, it’s not possible. When did you turn into a fucking new-age hippy, Armie? What did they do to you in Guatemala?” Ben lifted a hand to his forehead, rubbing at the same spot that had been throbbing since earlier this morning, trying to rub the pain away somehow.

 

“Hmm,” Armitage said, his green eyes almost piercing through Ben as he watched him for a moment. “Your head hurts, doesn’t it? Perhaps you felt pain earlier today? Something sharp, like a knife to your very soul?”

 

Ben could only glare at Hux, refusing to answer one of his oldest friends. If he answered him, that would mean he would give Hux a reason to lecture him further on soulbonding and his experiences. Ben was in no mood to hear that, however, so he just looked at Armie, growling, “Just give me whatever fucking information you need to give me, so I can pay her bill and arrange for her to get home. I have to get back to campus, Armitage.”

 

Hux huffed in annoyance, muttering, “Very well, Solo. You can only ignore these things for so long, after all. Tell me, have you seen her in your dreams, yet?” Hux watched Ben’s face carefully for his reaction, a small, satisfied smirk coming to his face as he saw Ben’s left eye twitch ever so slightly. “ I see. Very well. She had to have ten stitches above her left eye, on her forehead. She needs to be monitored for the next twenty-four hours to make sure she doesn’t have a concussion. She’s sleeping right now, she has a good dose of pain medication on board.”

 

“Fine. I’ll be in the waiting room then. Let me know when she is ready to be discharged?” Ben asked his old friend, trying to ignore the throbbing in his head.

 

“She is ready, Benjamin. I’ll have the discharge papers readied for you to sign…” Hux started, Ben’s eyes snapping up to meet his suddenly at his words.

 

“No. I’m not signing a fucking thing, Hux,” Ben snapped. “Absofuckinglutely not. I’ll pay her bill. I’ll make sure she gets home okay. I’ll hire someone to sit with her for the night, or try to find a contact number for someone in her phone, but I will not sign anything legally binding me to her. No.”

 

“Benjamin,” Hux said, his tone patient as he continued on, “All your signature will notate is that she was released into your care. As you may know, as a soulmate, all you need to do is make sure you are not neglecting her. If you do everything you just stated you will do, then signing this paperwork means nothing. Please, don’t be difficult. Also, I’ll bring you some ibuprofen for that headache. You look like you need it.” Hux’s lips twitched into a smirk.

 

“Fine, Hux. I’ll sign, if that means I can rid myself of her sooner,” Ben replied, rubbing at his head once more.

 

Shaking his head softly, Hux walked away, leaving Ben to peek into the small room where Rey was. She looked tiny lying on the hospital cot, her head sporting a fresh bandage where she had hit it. Pulling his phone out, Ben scheduled the Uber to pick them up in ten minutes, looking up as Hux returned with a clipboard and a glass of water. With a knowing smirk, Hux handed the glass to Ben along with two small pills, waiting until Ben swallowed them down before handing him the clipboard.

 

“I’ve marked where you should sign, and also took the liberty of writing down Miss Sands’ address. It will be interesting to see how long you can resist the bond. Kindly, let me know when you actually give in and I will take you out for a drink or two,” Hux said cheerily, smirking once more at Ben.

 

Ben scratched his signature on the documents, taking Rey’s copies and tucking them into his jacket pocket before replying, “You’ll be waiting a long time then, Armitage. Call me sometime, when you get sick of the wife, we’ll go have a few drinks.” Ben clapped his hand on Hux’s shoulder before turning and ducking past the curtain, where he folded himself into the too small plastic chair to wait for the Uber to show up.

 

His phone chimed, announcing the Uber had shown up, and Ben stood, grumbling internally to himself as he reached down and picked Rey up easily, holding her close to his chest as he gathered up her belongings and navigated out to the curb.

 

A small sigh left Rey’s lips, her face burrowing into his shoulder as he glanced around for their ride.

 

_Fuck. Why does she have to smell good? Jesus._

 

Ben ignored his own brain, striding to the Uber as soon as he spotted it. Once he had Rey settled into the back seat, Ben slid in next to her before giving the driver her address. It didn’t take long for them to arrive at her address, and Ben frowned as he saw just where she lived. It wasn’t the best section of the city, and as he gently pulled her out of the car and against his chest once more, he glared at one of the neighborhood kids watching them, causing the little boy to burst into tears before running off.

 

“Fucking germ bags,” Ben muttered as he reached Rey’s door, a frustrated sigh leaving his lips as he dug through her purse, finally pulling out a set of keys. It was a good thing she weighed next to nothing, because he certainly wasn’t about to set her down on the filthy concrete to get her keys out.

 

Twisting the lock after he had the key fitted in it, Ben kept her close to his body as he stepped inside and closed the door, taking a moment for his eyes to adjust before he navigated through the tiny apartment to the bedroom. Lying her down on the bed, Ben tucked her in before rummaging through her purse once more for her cellphone. Hitting the button to turn the screen on, Ben was met with a flashing lightning bolt on the screen.

 

_Of fucking course, the battery just has to be dead, doesn’t it?_

 

With a sigh, Ben pulled out his cell, dialing Maz’s number from memory. After a short conversation in which Ben threatened to burn the café to the ground, he jabbed at his phone screen to end the call, glancing at the screen to see what time it was.

 

_4 hours. I can handle 4 hours alone with her, right? She’s sleeping, which means she won’t annoy me. Right?_

 

Rey opened her eyes, peering through the dim light of her bedroom to find none other than Ben Solo sitting beside her bed, looking down at his phone with the ever-present scowl on his face.

Licking her dry lips, Rey managed to croak out, “Ben?”

 

Ben’s eyes snapped up to meet hers, and he fumbled with something for a moment before getting it open and withdrawing two small pills. Leaving the room, he returned a minute later with a bottle of water he had retrieved from her fridge, making a mental note to have some groceries delivered the next day. It was no wonder she was so skinny – she had no damn food to speak of.

 

“Shut up and take these,” he remarked softly before handing her the pills and the bottle of water, his eyes not leaving her until he saw her swallow the pills down. His eyes went back to his phone, and the next time he looked up, she was asleep again.

 

_Crisis averted. Thank fuck._

….

 

The next time Rey woke, it was to the sounds of Maz and Rose playing with Rhys quietly in the living room. Somehow, she managed to sit up, glancing over at the chair that Ben had occupied and sighing when she found he was gone. She groaned softly as a wave of vertigo hit, her head once more starting to pound.

 

It was then that she saw the sheaf of papers sitting underneath the pill bottle. Picking them up, Rey flipped through them, a small smile of victory coming to her lips. They were the papers to register her and Ben as soulmates – with his neat – too neat for a man, really – signature. Stuck to it was a sticky note with a cellphone number written on it in the same fluid script, with the words _Don’t fucking call me unless it’s serious. Ben_ \- underneath it.

 

Maybe Maz was right after all. Maybe she was exactly what Ben Solo needed.


	3. I'd Catch A Moonbeam For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben believes the world is being taken over by pot smoking hippies... Rey knows better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my INCREDIBLE Beta for both her skills editing my stupid ass.. and for the moodboard at the beginning of this chapter. You should check out her stuff here: [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)!
> 
> Also, many thanks to a good friend: [GreyForceUser](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyForceUser) for the gift of the moodboard at the end of this chapter, as well as the moodboard I am using on social media. She is incredible, and you should go check out her fics.... "This Is How Life Strikes" is amazeballs.
> 
> And to my good friend, and sometimes I TRULY believe my BRAIN TWIN... [MizuPhoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizuPhoenix) \- thanks for being you. It's kismet that we met. hehehehe. (Is she getting a ride home yet?)
> 
> As always, Thanks to my Enablers and Fellow sprinters at the Den. I'm looking at YOU, Marissa, Ruby, Lee, Em, Waffles and Jen. <3 Love you all to the tenth moon of Endor and back. (Yes, I know Endor doesn't have 10 moons, ok?)

**I can hear the rain**  
**Butcher up the streets again**  
**I belong to you**  
**I can barely feel you breathing**

**Somewhere the light seemed to flicker out**  
**Somehow a darkness shone through**  
**These just a few things I storm about**  
**But I'd catch a moonbeam for you**

**-"Moonbeam" by Justin Courtney Pierre**

 

Luckily, Ben was able to get a full night’s sleep without her invading his dreams.

 

 _Maybe she should be heavily medicated more often_ , he thought to himself as he started his workout routine. He knew he should be able to go to Kanata’s for his breakfast this morning, since Rey was going to be off for at least the rest of the week.

 

He had made arrangements with Maz to pay her lost wages for the week – because Ben knew that if he hadn’t done that, she would try to work with a head injury – and he’d have to make his own breakfast again. He much preferred his normal breakfast to the cold cereal and coffee he had to make.

 

Before heading to the café, he arranged for groceries to be delivered to Rey’s apartment as well. He hated to see people hungry, and it made him feel better to know that at least she would have a full refrigerator for the time being.

 

Thankfully, the day passed uneventfully. Rey slept most of the day – instead of being the annoying presence she was in his mind, she was instead a dull buzz that he easily ignored all day.

….

 

“Thank you,” Rey said softly. One moment, she had been in her bed sleeping, the next moment she was standing next to Ben’s bed. He was propped up on several pillows reading a book, and he didn’t bother to look up at her as he spoke.

 

“I should have known it was too good to last,” Ben sighed, turning a page of his book. “I slept good last night without you invading my dreams, but I guess I only get a one night reprieve.”

Rey bit her bottom lip, as she tried not to cry. She told herself that she wouldn’t shed another tear over him – that if she gave him enough time and space he would come around. She hadn’t asked to invade his dreams, after all. Apparently their bond had one hell of a sense of humor.

 

“Why do you hate me?” Rey finally asked, her eyes sad as they watched him doing his best to ignore her.

 

“I don’t hate you,” Ben said disinterestedly, turning another page of his book. “I just don’t care about you. There’s a difference.”

 

“You don’t care about me, huh? That’s why you paid my hospital bill and sat with me until Maz got there yesterday? That’s why you paid my wages for the week, and had enough groceries to last me and Rhys a month delivered today? All because you don’t care? I’d love to see what you do for someone you truly dislike! Do you buy them a house or something?” Rey retorted, her eyes flaring with anger. “Would you fucking look at me, Benjamin? Or don’t you have any manners whatsoever?”

 

Slamming his book shut, Ben finally turned his eyes to hers, his chocolate brown orbs filled with a sadness she couldn’t comprehend fully yet. Something or someone had hurt him at some point in his life, and he was so gun-shy, so scared, that Rey almost felt bad for practically yelling at him.

 

“I am merely doing what is required by law for someone who is supposedly soulbound to someone. I really don’t need any legal repercussions from this whole fallacy, until I can figure out how to be rid of it, and you. Having you starve to death, or having you fall ill when I could prevent it would make me culpable,” Ben explained, his voice quiet and angry, as sharp as the sharpest blade, designed to slice deep with one stroke.

 

Rey shook her head, not believing what she was hearing. “You’re a liar, Benjamin Solo. I _know_ you feel this bond just as strongly as I do. I know your head was hurting when mine was, and I know you were taking pills for a headache just as often as I was. I know what you’re doing every moment of the day, and I know what kind of mood you are in without even being near you. So, you, Benjamin Solo, Asshole Extraordinaire, are full of complete and utter bullshit. Sometimes there are things that happen, things you can’t fucking explain, and you either accept it and move on, or you deny them and let the emptiness and the what ifs eat away at you. Someone hurt you at some point, and I am sorry for that, I truly am. But I have never hurt you, nor do I plan on it. I’ll leave you alone, but please… we’re in this together, whether we wanted it or not.”

 

Ben just scowled at her for a long time, until his mouth twitched ever so slightly into a half smirk. “You don’t know anything about me, Rey. I plan on keeping it that way. Can I go back to sleep now? You certainly need to rest.”

 

Rey glared back at him, not backing down one inch. He might be an asshole, he might be difficult, but he was hers, and she wasn’t letting him walk all over her, nor would she allow him to keep denying what she knew they both felt. “Don’t tell me what I should be doing. I didn’t ask to come to you in dreams. It’s part of the bond that you don’t believe in, you enigmatic wanker.”

Ben opened his mouth to reply when Rey disappeared, and he sighed, once again feeling a weird emptiness deep inside him.

 

The next morning, at 0502, Rey’s phone chimed with a message as she fought to stay awake. Even though she didn’t have to work – her body always woke at the same time, and as she glanced at the screen of her phone, a tiny ghost of a smile came to her lips.

 

_ <Ben> You’re welcome. Go back to fucking sleep. _

….

It was raining again, and as Ben left Kanata’s, he was silently cursing at the sky as he walked to work. When his head starting aching, he rolled his eyes, already knowing it was because of _her_ \- the British pain in his ass. He knew she was currently asleep, although he could sense she was stirring, soon to be woken up by… a little germ bag.

 

God, he hated children.

 

His phone rang, and as he pulled it out, he huffed out a sigh, rolling his eyes again.

 

_His other annoyance was calling._

 

“Good morning, Mom,” Ben said into the phone as he hit the button to connect the call.

 

“Benjamin Lucas Solo, why are you keeping such wonderful news from us?” His mother’s voice was clearly upset as she spoke, and her tone had him bristling immediately. _How the fuck did she found out so fast? For fuck’s sake!_

 

“I don’t have any wonderful news, Mom, what are you talking about?” Ben knew better than to lie to his Mom – she always knew – but he still had to try, especially when it was her meddling in his affairs. He hadn’t wanted her to find out about this whole… situation… but he should have known better. Leia Organa-Solo was a former Ambassador to Italy, and a retired US Senator. She had ways of getting information that Ben couldn’t even fathom – and being her only child meant she generally knew what was going on with him at all times. It drove him insane, and was the reason he only went home to visit every few months.

 

“Benjamin, do NOT try to lie to me! You are thirty-two, not seven! Poe and Armitage both sent me text messages saying you have a soulmate! Tell me about her… this is great news, son!”

 

“No, mother, it is really, most assuredly NOT good news,” Ben grumped, frowning as he stepped in a puddle, causing cold water to splash all over his shoes.

 

“Ben…” Leia said, “what could be so bad about having a soulmate? The perfect woman for you? Come on…”

 

“For fuck’s sake, Mom, you know I don’t believe in that New Age, metaphysical bullshit! There is no such thing as a soulbond – you can’t be mystically bound to another person! God, has the whole fucking universe turned into a bunch of weed smoking hippies?” Ben was practically shouting now, drawing glances from all the people rushing about their business around him. Scowling at a young mother who was ushering her child along beside her, Ben growled, “What the fuck are you looking at?” when the woman looked at him. Her eyes widened in shock, and she started walking even faster, the little boy beside her having to run to keep up now.

 

Leia sighed, her words sad as she said, “Look, Ben, I know… _she_ … really messed you up, but this is different, son. This is something so precious… something that doesn’t happen to everyone. Armitage told me her name… Rey. Please, Ben. You’ve been angry and sad ever since the divorce. Maybe give it a chance?”

 

“No, mother. I will not. Just because some British waitress spilled coffee on me and became obsessed with me – and probably my money – that does not mean I have to invite her into my life. I don’t believe in soulmates.” Ben put his briefcase down at his office door now, glad to be out of the rain.

 

“Oh, Ben…” Leia sounded almost defeated, knowing that her son wasn’t ready to accept the truth of things yet. “I do have another reason for calling, son. I needed to make sure you will be at our anniversary dinner in two weeks. We didn’t receive your RSVP yet.”

 

“I have to go, Mom. Yes, I’ll be there, and no, I am not bringing anyone.” Digging his keys out of his pocket, Ben unlocked his office door and stepped inside before closing it behind him after retrieving his briefcase. He rolled his eyes as he heard his Mom sigh – clearly she was expecting him to bring _the annoyance_ – which was _not_ happening in this lifetime or the next.

 

“Alright, Ben. I love you. Dad says hi.” He could hear his Dad in the background laughing – probably at him – and Ben rolled his eyes once more.

 

“Love you both. Hi to Dad.” Ben disconnected the call before settling into his office chair, his forehead going into his palms as he felt the headache ramping up. It was going to be a hell of a day, he could already tell.

….

 

Rey did her best to stay calm and quiet the rest of the week, despite her head constantly aching. She knew Ben felt it as well, if his increasingly bad mood told her anything. The man actually _smiled_ as he yelled at a grad student, making them cry as they left his office. He was _diabolical_ , and Rey would tell him that the next time she got a chance, because apparently their soulbond decided just when they would appear to each other in dreams.

 

When Ben didn’t appear at Kanata’s on Monday morning, Rey tried not to be sad.

 

When Kaydal found her on break to tell her there was a table specifically requesting her as their server, Rey didn’t think much of it. She got up and headed to the table, her normal smile on her face as she approached the older couple. The man gave her a half smirk as she introduced herself, and the woman smiled gently, her shrewd eyes taking in Rey before she looked at the man.

 

“So,” the woman said after a moment, “Rey. I am sorry for coming to your workplace, but we had to meet you. I’m Leia Organa-Solo, and this is my husband, Han. We’re Ben’s parents.” Rey felt the blood drain out of her face, and she took an involuntary step backwards.

 

“I… I don’t know what Ben has told you about me. He, um… he hates me. He doesn’t believe in the soulbond. I’m sorry for whatever hateful things he said about me, maybe you should speak to him about this? I’m sure he wouldn’t want you speaking to me.”

 

Han snorted, shaking his head. “Kid is the most stubborn idiot I have ever seen. Gets given a gift and tries to pretend it never happened.”

 

Leia shook her head softly, smiling at Rey and reaching up with both hands to take Rey’s hand between hers, patting it softly to try and comfort her. “I did speak with Ben, and he didn’t say anything about you other than you were British, spilled coffee on him and were apparently ‘obsessed’ with him. I am sorry he is being so difficult, my dear. When I found out about the soulbond, I knew I had to come meet you for myself. Han and I would love to have dinner with you tonight – is that possible, Rey?”

 

“I… I’ll have to find a babysitter. I, um, I have a son. Rhys. He’s three.”

 

Leia’s face broke into a wide grin, and she squeezed Rey’s hand gently before letting go, her hand next going across the table to grab Han’s. “Oh, Han, a grandbaby!” she said softly, her eyes sparkling with joy as they caught her husband’s across the table. “She is exactly what Benny needs, isn’t she?”

….

 

Rey knew Ben had to know something was up as she stepped from the taxi later that night, shaking her head slightly in appreciation of the restaurant Leia wanted her to meet them at for dinner. One meal here would probably cost her a week’s wages, and Rey looked down at her outfit self-consciously, hoping she looked presentable enough for such a ritzy establishment. Leia had assured her that they were picking up the tab for the meal – so at least that eased some worry from her already stressed mind.

 

She was nobody, and she’d come from nowhere. She didn’t belong here.

 

Straightening her dress and running a hand through her hair, Rey made her way inside, and as she was ushered towards the table Leia and Han were sitting at, she found herself smiling at them. These were the people responsible for creating Ben – her soulmate – and at least they expressed an interest in her.

 

Now, if only their son would follow their glowing example, maybe they would get somewhere.

 

“Rey! So glad you found the place alright! How are you feeling, my dear? Is your head okay?” Leia stood, embracing Rey briefly before settling back into her chair. Han gave her a half wave, the smirk she was quickly coming to recognize as his and his alone on his face.

 

Rey touched the small bandage now adorning her forehead and smiled at Leia. “Yes, thanks. I’m feeling fine. Just, well, a bit nervous, to be honest.” The waiter pulled a chair out for her, and Rey smiled at the man gratefully as he pushed it in for her after she was seated.

 

“It’s alright, kid, I’d be nervous meeting us too,” Han chimed in, winking at her with that smirk on his face.

 

Rey liked him – she had liked him from the first moment she saw him.

 

Leia simply smiled at her, letting her look over the menu before she looked at Rey and smiled. “I already think you and Rhys are going to make a wonderful addition to our family, Rey. Tell us a bit about yourself, would you? How did you come to live here in America?”

 

The waiter made his appearance then, and after everyone had placed their orders, Leia looked at Rey expectantly, and she felt her face flushing as she cleared her throat softly. “I, um, I don’t have much to tell. I was abandoned as a baby at a police station. I moved through the foster system in England, and when I was 18 I met an American soldier and fell in love. We got married and when he was assigned to a base here in the States, I moved with him. He, um, I’ll be honest. He’s a drunk and a user, and he left me when I found out I was pregnant. We’re divorced, but he still comes around when he needs money or a place to lay his head.”

 

“How awful,” Leia said, laying a hand on Rey’s as she looked into her eyes, sadness shining in her own. “I’m sorry you have to put up with that, Rey.”

 

Rey gave Leia a small, sad smiled and shrugged. “I’m used to it by now. The best thing that man ever did for me was give me Rhys.” Now Rey’s smile turned to one of love and pride. “My little man and I make it just fine on our own.”

 

They all looked up as the waiter arrived with their food, and before they started eating, Leia looked at both Rey and Han and lifted her glass for a toast. “To new family – Rey and Rhys!”

 

Rey’s face flushed as the three of them clanked glasses, and even though she knew Ben would be miserable, she wished he was here. She could sense him right now – he was grading papers, apparently, with the way he was mumbling and cursing. It was strange, sensing his moods and even catching snippets of his thoughts, or his voice drifting through her mind – but it was also comforting, because she knew he was experiencing the same thing – whether he admitted it or not.

 

Time passed rather quickly as Leia and Han told her stories about Ben growing up, and after a short silence after they were done eating, Rey looked at Leia and asked softly, “Leia… why is Ben so sad? I mean… someone hurt him. Who was it?”

 

Leia and Han exchanged glances, and Leia sighed before draining the rest of her wine. “Ben was married for three years. One day he came home to find everything gone except for his personal belongings. She, um, she took him for everything he owned and moved across the country with her yoga instructor, who got her pregnant. Ben – well, we told you about his temper? He destroyed the house, then sold it and moved here. He’s seen a therapist, but he still has a lot of anger and resentment inside. I don’t think he feels like he deserves to be with anyone. She shredded his self-esteem.”

 

“Oh,” Rey said softly, her heart breaking for Ben. At least Leia’s revelation shed some light on why he was so angry and hostile, and why he was resisting their bond.

 

Han leaned forward then, looking at Rey and smiling. “Somehow, I think you’re stubborn enough to get through to him, kid. Besides, you have the whole soulbond thing going for you. He can try running from it, but it’ll catch up to him. It always does.”

 

Then it was Leia’s turn to lean in, her hand reaching out to pat Rey’s on the table. “Sweetheart, we are so glad to have you joining the family. Would you please come to our anniversary party in two weeks? It would mean so much to us! You can even bring Rhys – we live on a huge property, and we have horses – he would love that! Han can arrange for one of his pilots to fly you out in one of his company jets – what do you say? Please?”

 

Leia’s excitement was almost contagious, and Rey found herself answering without giving it much thought. “I’d love to, Leia! Rhys will love the horses, I’m sure.” The look on Leia’s face would be worth the cold shoulder Rey was certain to get from Ben.

 

The rest of their time together was spent in conversation, and before they sent Rey home in a taxi, Leia made sure that Rey had their contact information, as well as getting hers. “I’ll be in touch, Rey, alright? And could you maybe text or email me some photos of Rhys? I simply can’t wait to meet him!”

 

If only their son was as accepting of her as they were.

 

….

  


As Ben sat on his couch, grading papers, his brow furrowed, and he tilted his head as if the motion would make it easier to hear the fleeting voices in his brain. Was that… _his mother? Talking to… Rey?_ Ben held his breath, listening intently, but he heard nothing else in his head. He could feel her though, Rey’s presence was always there, like a nervous tic he couldn’t be rid of. She was apparently happy tonight – Ben sensed none of the sadness that usually covered her like a cloak. For some reason, that made him happy, and he wondered briefly what was causing the emotion. Shaking it off, Ben went back to work, muttering to himself as he graded papers.

 

Once more, Rey found herself standing near Ben in her dreams. This time, he was asleep, his soft, raven hair spread over his pillow as he dreamt. She couldn’t help the tender smile that crept onto her lips as she watched him. He looked so peaceful – all the contours of his face were soft, unlike the sharp, angry angles when he was awake. She tried to memorize how he looked, so that she could remember when he was being difficult with her. She had to clap a hand over her mouth to stop the laugh from escaping as he let out a light snore before turning onto his side, his hair falling onto his forehead as he did so. With a trembling hand and a rapidly beating heart, Rey reached out, sweeping the hair back into place. Ben let out a little snort in his sleep, and Rey bit her bottom lip to keep another laugh from escaping. Leaning over, she placed a light kiss to his forehead, watching him as he slept for a while longer, until a thought occurred to her. _I can touch him, kiss him. What else can I do?_

 

Moving from the bedroom, Rey explored Ben’s apartment for a few moments, and as she came to his office, a smile came to her lips. After rummaging through his desk for a moment, Rey let out a tiny giggle of delight as she found Post-its and a pen, a plan forming in her head.

 

She scribbled a note on a pink Post-it and returned to the side of his bed, willing their bond to give her a few more moments to complete her task. Looking at his bedside table, Rey stuck the note to his alarm clock, a large grin coming to her lips as she looked at her still sleeping soulmate. Leaning in, Rey gave him another soft kiss on his forehead, and as the bond separated them, Rey smiled in her sleep.

 

Ben woke the next morning to the sound of his alarm clock, his brow furrowing in confusion as he saw something covering the digital readout. Sitting up, he flipped on the light on the bedside table, long fingers reaching out to pluck the Post-it note off the clock.

 

_You snore. Perhaps you should get checked for sleep apnea? –Rey_

 

Ben tried to ignore her in his head all day, and he definitely ignored her when he got his breakfast at Kanata’s. He could have sworn he heard her snickering though. When he found himself standing next to her bed the next night, Ben rolled his eyes. Rey was sleeping peacefully, a little boy curled up next to her. Her arms were around him protectively, and as he sat in a chair next to the bed and watched, Ben had to admit one thing to himself, something that he would never admit out loud to anyone.

 

Rey was beautiful.

 

As he thought that, she turned in her sleep, whispering his name and… smiling.

 

Ben snorted softly, rolling his eyes as he continued to watch her. After a few moments, he went to the kitchen and pulled an apple from the fridge, and after looking around for a moment, he found a notepad and a pen. Returning to her room, Ben shook his head softly as Rey’s mouth popped open slightly in her sleep, a thin rivulet of drool escaping her mouth, and a light chuckle left his lips now.

 

Setting the apple on the bedside table in front of her clock, so it was blocking the digital readout, Ben wrote on the notepad before propping it up behind the apple.

 

_You drool. Might I suggest keeping a box of Kleenex close by? Eat your breakfast. –Ben_

 

Ben watched her until he felt himself shifting – an odd feeling, to be sure – and then he was fast asleep once more in his bed.

 

 _Clearly,_ Ben thought to himself the next morning after ordering more groceries, and a maid service for Rey, _I am going fucking insane. I need to schedule an appointment with Amilyn._

And he did – after he remembered to order Kleenex and an extra box of Lucky Charms – which apparently Rey liked.

 

_Soulbonds don’t fucking exist. You are not mystically bound to someone. It’s not possible._

 

Ben kept repeating this mantra to himself, over and over, until by the end of the day, he almost believed it again.


	4. We Are Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia shows how diabolical she truly is.
> 
> TW: There is a slightly violent act at the end of the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my Beta and moodboard maker, [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite) \- she is amazeballs and never complains when I send her monster chapters to edit. <3
> 
> Also, my main cheerleader - [commandercrouton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/commandercrouton) \- M, I adore you! I honestly wouldn't be doing this fic without you cheering me on and sending me Clyde Logan gifs. <3
> 
> And to my fellow Sprinters in the Den - You rock, and I salute you! I love you all so very much!

 

 

 **Lock the doors**  
**Cause I'd like to capture this voice**  
**That came to me tonight**  
**So everyone will have a choice**  
**And under red lights**  
**I'll show myself it wasn't forged**  
**We're at war**  
**We live like this**  
  
**Keep me safe inside**  
**Your arms like towers**  
**Tower over me**

**-"We Are Broken" by Paramore**

 

Ben did his best to ignore Rey every morning when he got his breakfast, although he was not able to pull off the feat completely, especially when he caught her biting into the apple that he had taken to leaving her during their almost nightly dream visits to one another. As she winked at him from her spot behind the counter, Ben felt his face flush slightly, and he rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly.

 

Rey clearly needed mental help. Perhaps he should try to find a good therapist for her.

 

The next morning, Ben woke in the middle of the night, his mind almost frantic with worry.

 

Something was wrong with Rey.

 

He could sense it – she wasn’t well, and his heart thudded in his chest as he lay awake, trying desperately to calm the panic he felt deep inside him. He hadn’t felt this way since… no. He refused to think about _her._

 

Ben tossed and turned, telling himself he was being stupid. He couldn’t be feeling what Rey was feeling – because there was no such thing as a soulbond. It didn’t make sense – it wasn’t logical. And Ben was a very, _very_ logical man.

 

Finally, after an hour of trying to go back to sleep, Ben pulled out his phone, sending Rey a text message.

 

_ <Ben> What the fuck is wrong with you, woman? Can’t you be fucking normal? _

 

As he waited for a response, he paced across his bedroom, his heart pounding in his chest and his mind racing. What would happen if she was seriously ill? Legally, could he be held responsible? Finally, his phone chimed in his hand.

 

_ <Rey> I’m sick. Like you care. I probably have the plague. Not that you would care about that either. _

 

Ben let out a low growl from deep in his throat, pacing across his room several more times before making a decision.

 

Ten minutes later, and Ben was standing inside the small convenience store just down the street from his apartment, his brow furrowed as he tried to decide what medicine he should buy for Rey. Was she congested? Nauseous? Did she have a headache or body aches? Of course, he was far too stubborn to simply ask her, and so with another frustrated growl, Ben selected one of everything and headed to the counter, where a very tired-looking woman rang up the purchases. Grabbing the sack of medicine, Ben hurried out the door, letting out a frustrated sigh as he glanced at his watch, realizing that finding a cab would be damn near impossible at one in the morning, so instead he set out walking towards Rey’s apartment.

 

Fifteen minutes later, and Ben stood in front of her apartment, and as he tapped on the door lightly, he once again wondered just what in the fuck he was doing delivering medicine to a woman he barely knew at one in the morning on a Thursday, when he had to be at a lecture at eight.

 

But it was Rey, and if he didn’t make sure she was okay and safe, he knew his brain would make him insane with worry.

 

Not that he cared about her, of course, because he didn’t. She was just a clumsy British waitress, who claimed that they had some mystical bond between them. She was clearly batshit insane, but Ben would humor her and play along for now – until he found a logical, scientific way to prove that she was – indeed – insane.

 

She answered the door in her pajamas – why in the fuck was a grown woman wearing pajama bottoms with some stupid-looking pony on them anyways? – and Ben had to admit, she looked awful. Pulling his shirt up to cover his nose, Ben thrust the sack of medicine towards her. “Here. Take those and go lay down. You look like shit. Did the germ bag get you sick?”

 

Rey glared at him as he referred to Rhys as a _germ bag_. “He’s 3, Ben, and he has a name, you asshole.” Rey sniffled before coughing into a Kleenex and taking the bag from Ben. “Thank you. Have a good night.” Rey started to shut the door, and was stunned when Ben stepped through it, moving to her tiny kitchen and opening one of her cupboards.

 

“You’re just going to rummage through my fucking kitchen?” Rey asked, exasperation in her voice as she watched him before being claimed by another coughing fit.

 

Ben half turned, looking at her over his shoulder. “Go get in the shower. Make sure it’s very steamy. You need the steam to help with that cough. I know you have tea and soup here, I’ll make some of each for you. Is the germ- _kid_ sleeping?”

 

Rey blew her nose before narrowing her eyes at Ben, even though her heart was thudding loudly in her chest at the sight of him moving around her kitchen like he belonged there. “It’s one in the morning, Benjamin, what do you think? Of course Rhys is sleeping. So keep your fucking voice down. Jackass.”

 

Rey didn’t miss the half smirk that came to Ben’s lips as she turned to go to the bathroom.

 

When she emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later, Ben had a cup of tea and a bowl of tomato soup waiting for her on a tray. He had folded his overly large frame into one of her kitchen chairs, and was tapping his fingers on his leg as he waited for her to emerge. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen for a moment, unsure what to do as her heart pounded away in her chest, loud enough that she was positive Ben could hear it as well.

 

He looked up at her, their eyes meeting for a few seconds before he pointed to her bedroom. “Go. Get in bed, I’ll bring this in to you.”

 

 _Dear Lord, this stubborn, grumpy tree of a man wants to serve me comfort food in bed at two in the morning? All because I have a cold and he was worried? Yeah, no soulbond, Solo… you keep believing that,_ Rey thought to herself as she turned to head into the bedroom she shared with Rhys. She took a moment to look over at the sleeping toddler, who was hugging a stuffed dog as he dreamt in the race car bed she had bought for five bucks at Goodwill.

 

_I will, thanks._

 

Rey heard Ben in her head, and as she turned around to find him standing behind her, tray in hand, he shrugged at her before pointing to her bed. With an annoyed sigh and a roll of her eyes, Rey got into her bed and settled under the covers, looking at Ben as he placed the tray in front of her.

 

“You do this for every woman you know, Benjamin? Show up at their house in the middle of the night and make them soup and tea?” Rey’s voice was a whisper, and after she spoke she was taken by a fit of coughing so intense it took her breath for a moment.

 

Ben moved across the tiny room so quick, Rey was amazed that someone that large could move so nimbly. His hand on her back as he patted it was so warm and comforting, and as she looked up at him, Rey could see the concern in his dark, expressive eyes.

 

“Don’t,” Ben growled as he backed away from her, confident now that her breathing had returned to normal after her coughing spell, “call me Benjamin. Eat your fucking soup.”

 

One side of Rey’s mouth turned up in a half smirk as she set to work, the hot soup soothing her throat, the steam helping to keep her nasal passages open for the time being. Ben simply watched her, his eyes moving over to her sleeping son for a moment before he shifted uncomfortably in the chair he had folded himself into.

 

 _I need to buy bigger furniture,_ Rey thought as she ate.

 

One corner of Ben’s mouth turned upwards at her thought, his eyes coming to meet her. _Might be nice to have someplace to sit, since I’m forced to come here in my dreams against my will._

 

 _Jackass,_ Rey thought back.

 

 _You have no idea._ Ben’s answer in her head had her smiling into the bowl of soup as she got her next spoonful.

 

They sat in companionable silence while Rey ate, stopping only for several fits of coughing. Ben’s eyes never left hers as she was coughing, and his large, warm hand rubbing her back helped. Maybe it was simply having him here with her, of his own volition instead of their soulbond forcing interaction – Rey wasn’t sure.

 

After she finished her soup – which somehow tasted far better than if she had made it herself, Rey held the mug of tea in her hands, breathing in the steam as she looked over at Ben. Opening her mouth, he shook his head.

 

“Don’t,” he said in a whisper. “No, this doesn’t mean anything has changed. I still don’t believe in this soulbond bullshit. Drink your tea and go to sleep. I’ll let myself out. And… the kid is cute. He looks like you – minus the drooling.”

 

With one final smirk, Ben stood, and Rey heard her front door closing a moment later. Shaking her head, Rey thought, _Fuck you, Benjamin._

 

 _Temper, temper. Don’t call me that – you don’t listen well, do you?_ Ben thought back. _Go to fucking sleep, before your germ bag wakes up._

 

Rey smirked, liking this new aspect of their bond, and as she finished her tea and settled into bed, she sent another thought to him. _Night, Ben. Thank you and I hope you have a good day._

 

 _You’re welcome, Rey. Stay home from work – you don’t need to spread your plague to the world,_ Ben thought back, and Rey could tell he was home now, and getting ready to try and get more sleep himself. It was comforting, knowing he was out there in the world, and that he would be there for her if she needed him.

 

Whether he believed in their soulbond yet, or not.

….

 

It had been hard to contain her excitement over their impending trip to Montana to Han and Leia’s anniversary party, and even harder to keep Rhys’ excitement contained as they arrived at the airport to board the private jet Han had sent.

 

“Mommy!!! Look at the pwanes! Mommy! Mommy! We goin’ on a pwane?” Rhys’ eyes were huge in amazement as he pressed up against the glass window in the terminal, waiting for their boarding information.

 

“Yes, baby, we’re going on a plane. Keep watching, Rhys, look at that one, it’s going to take off…” Rey shook her head softly as Rhys let out a whoop of excitement as a large jet took off into the air. Rey could feel that Ben was nearby somewhere – she had yet to catch a glimpse of her soulmate though. She knew he was definitely _not_ going to be happy that they were both going to the party, even though Leia had assured her that Ben would ‘ _have to behave himself… or else’_.

 

Rey loved Leia. She had been calling and texting almost daily, and she and Han had even facetimed with Rhys a few times, insisting that he call them Nana and Papa.

 

“Mommy? We goin’ see Nana and Papa? On a pwane?” Rhys was tugging at her arm now, and Rey leaned down, dropping a kiss to the top of his head.

 

“Yes, baby, keep watching for the planes, okay?” Rhys focused his attention back on the large bank of windows, and Rey tried to calm her growing nerves as a flight attendant approached her.

 

“Miss Sands?” the pretty woman asked, and Rey nodded in response. “I’m Sariya. I’ll be your flight attendant. We just got Mr. Solo settled in, so if you and your son could follow me, please?”

 

“M-Mr. Solo?” Rey asked in a quivering voice, her heart starting to thud away in her chest. She and Rhys were about to be on a plane with Ben for almost seven hours – how would he take it? Rey doubted Ben was even going to look at her, much less speak to her or Rhys the whole time.

 

“Yes, Ben? Tall, handsome drink of water? Really quiet though. I smile at him, he scowls at me,” Sariya said in an off-handed manner, and Rey immediately bristled.

 

“That tall, handsome drink of water _happens_ to be my _soulmate,_ ” Rey said, resisting the urge to slap the other woman.

 

Sariya’s eyes widened, her face flushing in embarrassment. “Oh! I am so sorry, Miss Sands! I had no idea! Congratulations!”

 

“Save it,” Rey said, “It’s going to be a long flight, and I am sure Ben will keep you busy, and if I see you so much as _look_ at him in any other manner than professional, I will be sure to let Mr. Solo – and I mean the _owner_ of Solo Aviation, here – know how unprofessional you acted. Understand?” With a saccharine smile, Rey collected Rhys, following the woman onto the plane.

….

 

Ben was settled into his seat on board his father’s private jet, ignoring the flirtations of the flight attendant, when he felt Rey nearby. At first, she was happy and excited about something, and then, he felt a sharp flash of _something_ – white hot and angry – ripple through him. _Was that… jealousy?_

 

His eyes snapped up as the flight attendant – he thought she had said her name was Sarah or Sam – something with that began with an ‘S’ – he hadn’t been paying attention, really – stepped into the cabin, with Rey and her son in tow. His eyes narrowed, and he snorted, shaking his head.

 

“She is diabolical,” Ben said in a low tone, watching as the flight attendant seated both Rey and Rhys in the seats across the aisle from him. As soon as they were settled in, the little boy babbling excitedly as he watched out the window, Ben sighed, setting back in his seat and running a hand through his hair.

 

A low chuckle left Rey’s lips, causing Ben to look at her with narrowed eyes. The plane was taxiing now, and Rhys was squirming beside her as he tried to watch out the window.

 

“What’s so funny?” He inquired through clenched lips, his hands tightening into fists over and over again. He could sense her genuine amusement, and as she let the chuckle turn into a giggle as she, in turn, sensed his anger through their bond.

 

“A couple weeks ago, you had a graduate student in your office. You yelled at them, then _smiled_ as they left your office in tears,” Rey said through the giggles. “You know what I thought when that came to me through our bond? I thought about how _diabolical_ you were. Like mother, like son, I guess!” Another round of giggles had her practically doubled over in her seat, and Ben could only scowl at her across the aisle, shaking his head in silent disbelief.

 

After they got into the air, Ben tried to keep himself busy, pulling out his phone and tablet after it was safe to do so. Rey was doing her best to keep Rhys occupied, which apparently was not an easy task, because the little germ bag _Never. Shuts. Up._ Ben finally looked at Rey, thinking to her, _Could you keep him quiet, please? I am trying to read here!_

 

“Sure, Ben. How about we just toss him out the door at thirty thousand feet or something? Jackass. He’s 3, and it’s his first time on a plane, okay? How about you act like a normal human being and not some sullen wanker all the time?” Rey was growing exasperated, both with Ben’s silent treatment and with Rhys’ excitement – trying to keep the toddler contained to their seat was proving a task of monumental proportions.

 

Just then, Sariya made her way back to the cabin, asking them both if they needed anything. Rey shook her head, watching the other woman as she interacted with Ben, and secretly satisfied when she noticed that Ben never even looked at her, just shook his head at her question.

 

 _She wants to fuck you,_ Rey said into his head, and Ben’s eyes snapped up to hers, his face turning red.

 

 _What? That’s crazy, Rey. Stop it,_ Ben thought back. Rey could sense he was shocked at the fact that the woman might want to be with him, and Rey raised a brow at him.

 

 _She was flirting with you, before Rhys and I came on board. I believe the words she used to describe you were a ‘tall, handsome drink of water,’_ Rey thought back. _Why is that crazy, Ben? You’re handsome and smart._

 

His face turned an even darker red now, and Rey could sense a deep-seated self-loathing emanating from him. Ben _hated_ himself for some reason – a reason that Rey couldn’t begin to fathom. Rey knew she saw him differently, probably because of their soulbond – but she knew he was intelligent, witty, and he had shown her moments of tenderness and kindness. Couple that with the fact that he had the face of a Greek God and a body to match, well, Ben Solo was damn near perfect in her opinion.

 

 _She’s just a flight attendant. A nobody. I haven’t even looked at her,_ Ben retorted in her mind, just as Rhys slipped from his seat and made his way across the aisle to where Ben sat, scowling still.

 

“Hi. You wook sad,” Rhys said, with all the innocence of a 3-year-old trying to comfort someone. Without saying anything else, Rhys put his hands up to Ben, his tiny voice saying, “Up?” to the still scowling man.

Ben looked over at Rey, and she just shrugged at him, lifting a brow again. Clearing his throat, Ben shook his head at the little boy, “No.” Rhys looked back at his mom, his bottom lip quivering, and he sniffled as he looked back up at Ben. Huffing, Ben patted him on the head, much like someone patting a dog they had just met in greeting, and Ben looked over at Rey, his eyes wide with fear. The last thing he wanted to listen to was a kid screaming for the next six hours.

 

Clearing his throat, Ben rumbled softly, “I can show you the cockpit, and the pilot flying the plane. Would you like that?”

 

Rhys sniffled once, wiping at his eyes before saying, “Yes,” and looking at Rey, “Mommy, big man take me?”

 

Rey looked at Ben, who shrugged behind Rhys, and she nodded at her son. “Be a good boy, and do what Ben says, okay?”

 

“Okay! Beb, you take me now? C’mon, Beb!”

 

With a sigh, Ben unfolded himself from the seat, giving Rey a horrified look as Rhys grabbed onto his hand as they moved towards the cockpit. Rey could only giggle at the look. _Don’t worry, BEB, I make sure he washes his hands, although he did just wipe his nose, you know, when you made him almost cry?_ She snorted as Ben pulled his hand away from Rhys’ with a disgusted look on his face as her son babbled at her soulmate, a loud cry of joy from Rhys moving through the plane as they reached the cockpit. Luckily, the plane was small enough that Rey could see everything, and she was ready to move on a moment’s notice if need be.

 

After a half hour, Rhys came sprinting back to Rey, a smile on his face as he explained to Rey everything he had learned about airplanes from the pilot. Rey looked over at Ben, who had settled back into his seat now and was busy looking down at his phone once again.

 

“Mommy, Beb says that we can see more pwanes in M-Mowtanner! I told him we was visiting Nana and Papa, and Beb says that Papa has lotsa pwanes and horsies!” Rey looked at Ben, noticing that one corner of his mouth drew up into a smirk as he swiped at a piece of hair that had fallen in his face.

 

“Alright, Rhys, baby, let’s get you settled back in, and then maybe you can have a snack and take a nap with Dude?” Dude was Rhys’ stuffed dog that he didn’t go anywhere without – Thomas had named the toy, and the name had just stuck.

 

“Okay, Mommy. Thanks, Beb!” Rhys called to Ben before allowing Rey to get him tucked back into his seat, the little boy yawning as he clutched at his stuffed dog. A few minutes later, and the little boy was asleep, his thumb in his mouth. Rey tucked a blanket she had brought with them around him, then let out a sigh. She looked across the aisle at Ben, chewing on her bottom lip before finally speaking.

 

“Can we talk, Ben?”

 

“No.” Ben’s voice was a low rumble as he scrolled through something on his phone.

 

Rey hefted a sigh before grabbing a book out of her bag and settling back in her seat, her eyes going to Ben every few moments though. He appeared to be completely engrossed in whatever he was doing on his phone, and Rey held her tongue for a few more minutes before saying softly, “Ben, please.”

 

He looked up at her finally, his eyes going to hers for a second before they focused past her, on the window behind her seat. He barely ever looked her in the eyes, and Rey had often wondered why. Even when he was being kind to her, and yes, even tender, he always avoided looking at her.

 

“Your Mom and Dad came to see me at the café, then they took me out to dinner. That’s when they invited me to the party. I had no idea Leia was going to have us on the same plane. I am sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. They’ve been calling and texting me often, and they Facetime with Rhys.”

 

Ben snorted. Of course his parents would be bringing Rey and her son into their fold. They had done the same with his ex-wife, and everyone had paid for that in the end. “I see. You don’t make me uncomfortable.” Ben shrugged, going back to his phone, and Rey knew that was probably the most conversation he was going to allow for now.

 

….

 

Rey woke to the feeling of a blanket being tucked around her, and as she opened her eyes and blinked sleepily, she saw Ben adjusting the blanket around Rhys as well. Licking her lips, Rey mumbled, “Thanks, Ben.”

 

Ben waited until she was asleep again before reaching out and touching her cheek softly. “You’re welcome, Rey.”

 

….

 

The next time she woke, it was to Ben shaking her shoulder softly. She opened her eyes again, blinking sleepily for a moment before she realized that they were no longer moving. Sitting up, Rey looked out the window, a small smile coming to her lips. “We’re here?” She said softly, looking up at Ben, who was worrying his jaw nervously.

 

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

 

Just then, Han and Leia made their appearance in the cabin, Han enveloping her first in a hug, Leia next after her husband released her. Rey watched as they both embraced their son – Han giving him an awkward hug with a back slap, Leia rubbing his back softly as she called him “her boy” over and over again.

 

Rey smiled, gathering up the things they had brought with them for the flight, and as she reached down to wake Rhys, Han stepped in front of her, shaking his head softly. “Let him sleep, Rey. I got him.” Han lifted her son with ease, settling the boy against his shoulder as Ben watched sullenly from the front of the plane. Wrapping a blanket around Rhys, Han looked at Rey and winked before turning and heading off the plane.

 

Montana was _cold._ That was Rey’s first impression as she got off the plane, her teeth chattering a little, her slight frame involuntarily shuddering. Ben was walking near her, and he looked at her, stopping for a moment to remove his suit jacket before placing it around her shoulders as they continued towards their destination.

 

“I’ll buy you a jacket,” he said softly to her. “Montana is colder than New York. I’m sorry, I should have thought of that. I’ll have to get one for Rhys too.”

 

Her teeth were chattering as she nodded at Ben. “T-Thanks, Ben.” She slid her arms into the jacket fully then, breathing in the scent she had come to know as his. It was woodsy, and spicy, and _Ben._ It was her _home_.

 

Leia and Han had their vehicle waiting on the tarmac, a beautiful tan Range Rover that had more than enough room for them all, plus their luggage, and as Han pulled out of the airport and onto the streets of Helena, Rey looked out of the window in wonder.

 

Her expression didn’t change much as they pulled into the gates of the ranch that Leia and Han owned. Ben had been quiet the whole trip, his eyes staying on his phone as he pretended to stay busy. Rey could see he was playing a word game of some sort – she wasn’t going to out him to his parents though. Rhys stayed asleep the whole time, thankfully, and as they pulled up to the large, warm-looking log cabin home, Rey smiled widely at Ben.

 

He didn’t return the smile, in fact, Rey could feel how unsettled he was through their bond. Ben didn’t want to be here, and he was struggling to stay calm. Rey just watched him as they moved into the house, Han once again carrying Rhys as the boy slept. After settling him onto a comfortable couch in the large, open living room, Leia made sure Rey was settled into the room she would be staying in with Rhys – which, Rey noticed – was next to Ben’s room.

 

_Diabolical, for sure._

 

After exploring her room, Rey padded barefoot back out to the living room, her eyes coming to rest on Ben, like they usually did. He was like the north star to her – ever-present, unmoving, and the way to find herself home if she was ever lost.

 

Han and Leia looked up from where they sat in front of the fireplace, both of them smiling at her. “Rey!” Leia said, “Come sit with us! Rhys is still out – poor kid. I bet he was excited to see the cockpit, wasn’t he? Ben was telling us he took him to meet the pilot.”

 

“Yeah,” Rey moved to where the three others were sitting, sliding onto the couch next to Ben. He put off a lot of warmth, she had noticed, and between his body heat and the fire, she was warmed through in little time. They spent the afternoon in conversation, and when Rhys woke, Leia made sure he had a snack and was bundled up, Han having already told him that he could go see the horses first thing.

 

And after Han and Rhys had gone, Leia made sure she made herself scarce as well.

Ben sighed, looking up at Rey and rolling his eyes, his voice a deep timbre as he said, “She wants us to spend time together alone.”

 

“Is that such a bad thing, Ben?” Rey asked softly, looking at him.

 

“Yes,” Ben replied. “Look, I know you’re all in here, you believe in this whole soulbond business. But I am not. I will find a way to disprove it, or to have it removed. I just… you’re nice, Rey. And your kid is… cute, in a way. But I am not your soulmate, and I think maintaining a distance is what needs to happen. I’ll make sure you are taken care of, but not because I want to – because I have to – legally, until I figure out how to get me out of this. I just don’t want you to have false hopes.”

 

“Yeah. Okay, Ben.” Rey bit her bottom lip to keep herself from bursting into tears and stood, heading off to the room Leia had given her to stay in. The sooner she got there, the sooner she could cry herself to sleep and hopefully stay that way for the whole weekend.

 

This whole trip had been a mistake. She never should have agreed to it.

 

….

 

She had cried herself to sleep, and Ben felt like a complete asshole as he stood on the back porch, watching his Dad play with Rey’s son. He heard his Mom approaching, and she stopped next to him, her hand reaching up to lay on his arm.

 

“Why is your soulmate in her room sobbing like her heart was broken in two, Benny? Why aren’t you giving her a chance? She’s not Bazine! Can’t you see that?”

 

“I know she’s not Bazine, Mother.” Ben looked at Leia, knowing his mother would be the one person who might understand his tortured thoughts regarding Rey.

 

“Then why are you treating this gift you have been given like it’s garbage, Ben? Rey is beautiful! She’s kind and sweet, and that little boy of hers is a treasure as well. She’s your soulmate, son, anyone who looks at you both can tell without even knowing. It’s like you are both on a wavelength that no one else is on, like you’re… in orbit around each other, or something. Please, Ben…”

“Please, Ben what?” Ben intoned, his voice low and angry. “Please don’t fuck this up like you fuck everything else up? Please don’t embarrass me by doing something stupid? Is that what you’re really trying to say, Mom? I know what Rey is, Mom, and she is way better than I will ever be. She’s beautiful and perfect and everything I don’t deserve. I am actually doing her a favor by keeping my distance – and I still don’t believe in all that new-age, metaphysical soulbond bullshit. As soon as I can have it taken out, or removed, or whatever they can do, I’m doing it. It will be better for everyone involved.”

Leia sighed and patted his arm. “Oh, Ben… she messed you up, son. You need to let the past die. It’s the only way you’ll ever be who you are truly meant to be. I’ve been telling you that since it all happened.”

“Mom,” Ben said softly, heaving a sigh, “the only reason she wants me is because she thinks she is bound to me. I don’t deserve someone like her anyways, okay? We both know that. This is just the best for her. I have a phone call scheduled with a doctor in Sweden to talk to him about getting rid of the bond. He’s a neurologist, and he has a fascinating theory…”

Leia interrupted her only son with a snort and a shake of her head. “You want to have some Swedish doctor do what is akin to _brain surgery_ , something that might _kill_ you, instead of accepting the fact that the universe blessed you with a gift in the form of a soulmate and her son?” Leia watched as Han approached, Rhys screaming with joy as Han threw him over his shoulder.

 

“Just let me handle it, Mom. Please?” Ben pleaded with his mother, knowing she would do whatever the hell she wanted. She always did.

 

“We love her, Ben. And we love this little boy. She’s your soulmate, not a money-grubbing slut like Bazine. Rey is the most honest person I have ever met. She will never betray you, never leave you. She _loves_ you, Ben. Don’t screw it up.” Leia gave him a final pat on the arm as she stood, going to where Han and Rhys were, Han having deposited the little boy on the grass by this point. Holding out one hand to Rhys, Leia murmured, “Come on, Rhys, Nana will get you something to eat while your Mommy sleeps.”

 

The trio headed inside, leaving Ben alone with his thoughts.

….

 

When Rey woke, she was confused at first, and then she remembered – she was in Montana for Han and Leia’s party, and Ben wanted nothing to do with her still. She could already tell he was in a worse than usual mood – which was saying something for him.

 

As she sat up, she noticed something sitting on the foot of the bed. She stood, stretching, and saw it was a coat, with a piece of paper sitting on top of it.

 

_-I didn’t want you to be cold. Ben_

 

Rey snorted and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay, Solo. You fucking prat. In one breath, you tell me you want nothing to do with me, in the next you’re buying me a coat so I’m not cold. I’m not wearing it, you wanker. I’ll not take one more thing from you. I hope you heard that too, _Benjamin,_ ” Rey spoke into the silence of the room – but she sincerely hoped Ben could hear her through the bond he was so quick to dismiss even existing.

 

Padding downstairs, Rey let out another yawn, following the sound of Rhys’ giggles to the dining room, where she found Han, Leia and her son all eating dinner. Leia smiled softly at her, gesturing to a chair next to Han. “Are you hungry, Rey?”

 

Rey nodded, biting her bottom lip as she looked at Leia, and then Rhys. “I’m so sorry I fell asleep, Leia – was Rhys good? I… I feel terrible for doing that.”

 

Leia waved her hand dismissively at Rey. “He was a perfect little man. Han and I kept him busy. Let me go get you a plate.” Leia stood, ever the hostess, and went into the kitchen, and as Rhys started babbling to her about the afternoon he’d spent with Han and Leia, Rey tried hard not to notice the void at the table that was left with Ben’s absence.

 

When Leia returned, she set the plate and a glass of water in front of Rey, whispering softly to her, “He’s in the hangar, tinkering with his plane and sulking. Be strong, Rey, he’s struggling.” Before Leia walked back to her seat, she put a comforting hand on Rey’s shoulder, squeezing it gently.

 

Rey ate a tasteless meal, trying not to let her internal misery show on her face.

 

She would never give Ben that satisfaction.

 

After dinner, Han insisted that he play with Rhys before bed, and Leia shook her head as she watched her husband carry the little boy off. “I swear, Han is nothing more than a big kid himself. Want to help load the dishwasher? That should give us some time to talk.”

 

Rey swallowed hard around the lump in her throat before nodding, giving Leia what she hoped was a normal-looking smile. As she helped Leia rinse the dishes, Leia looked her over before shaking her head softly.

 

“Ben’s never been good at relationships. He never dated much, he was always so awkward around girls. He soaked up knowledge like a sponge though, and he can fix damn near anything – which made Han happy, of course. But he’s always been… _unsettled_ … I guess you could say. He was always prone to fits of rage, and we never knew what would set him off. He was brilliant though, he graduated high school a year early, and we thought he had finally settled down in college. When he met Bazine, well, we brought her into the family, treated her as such, and Ben loved her. He was happy – and his temper had cooled. Little did we know she only married him because his family had money – which she was all too happy to spend. She loved being married to a Senator’s son. The whole time she was with Ben, she was screwing around on him, and she was such a good manipulator that she had us all fooled. When she left, Ben was devastated. I know I already told you a little of this, but Rey, I needed you to know the whole story. Ben is so terrified and so gun shy now – he thinks he is undeserving of love, and undeserving of having someone like you and Rhys in his life. You… you love him, I can see it every time you look at him. I think you’d love him even without the bond.” Leia finished up loading the dishwasher and leaned back against the counter, her eyes meeting Rey’s.

 

Rey bit her bottom lip, tears brimming in her eyes as she nodded. She did love Ben, even though he drove her crazy and made her so angry she wanted nothing more than to throttle him most days. She knew him though, their bond gave her so much insight into the inner workings of Ben Solo. He was scared shitless, and even though he came across as an asshole, Rey knew he could be tender and caring.

 

“I can feel what he is feeling, Leia. We have this… _bond_. Like right now, he is confused, sad… and hungry. We can visit each other in dreams. We can even talk to each other in our heads. Ben denies it all, of course. He doesn’t want me, Leia. I don’t even know what I am doing here – I’m nothing, I’ve always been nothing! Why did I expect my own soulmate would want me when no one else ever has? My own parents didn’t even want me!” Rey swiped at her eyes in frustration, not wanting to break down in front of the other woman. “He… Ben told me as soon as he can, he’s going to find a way to break the bond. He’s only being nice to me because he has to be, legally. Maybe… maybe we should just go back to New York, Leia. I… I can find a way to buy a plane ticket back. That way Ben can enjoy spending time with you for your anniversary, and Rhys and I won’t be near for him to ignore.”

 

Leia threw back her head and laughed, shaking her head. “Oh, Rey! Han and I invited you! We _want_ you here… and, whether he admits it or not, Ben likes having you near. Sometimes, as women, we have to be overly patient with the overgrown, testosterone laden beings we align ourselves with. Just keep doing what you’re doing, Rey. Keep showing Ben you care about him. He will come around. I know my son.” Leia patted Rey on the back, gesturing towards the cozy living room.

 

“Han said he was going to get Rhys to bed for you. Let’s go drink a few glasses of wine and watch a movie, what do you say?”

 

Rey nodded, following the older woman to the living room and settling onto the couch.

….

 

Ben stayed in the hangar for the rest of the night, tinkering on the evaporator coil on his Beechcraft Baron. The small plane had been a gift from Han and Leia when he graduated from college, and it had been sitting in the hangar for four years now. His Dad took it up, just to make sure it was getting time in the air, but the last time Ben had flown it to Montana, he had been a married man.

 

Ben sighed, flinging a wrench across the hangar, his hands resting on the front of the plane for a moment as his eyes looked towards the house. He wanted to be inside more than anything, but he knew keeping his distance was the best choice for everyone involved in this mess. Rey didn’t deserve the mess of a man that he was, and he was far too logical to ever believe in soulbonds – wasn’t he?

 

How did that explain knowing how she was feeling though? How did he talk to her in his dreams, and in his head if he wanted? How did he explain away the fact that he knew that this very moment, she was sitting on the couch in his parent’s living room, trying to concentrate on a movie, when all she could think about was him, and the fact that she wished he was sitting beside her? How did he know that she had to stop herself no less than a dozen times from coming to find him to comfort him? She knew he was in turmoil, and she wanted desperately to comfort him, and he wanted to – what did he want? Wasn’t that the real reason for his turmoil?

 

Because as much as Ben wanted to push her away and run as far as he could from her – it was juxtaposed with wanting to pull her close and love her. He had spent the last four years since his divorce pushing everyone away, not letting anyone get close, and yet, Rey had touched him completely by accident, and now he couldn’t get away from her if he tried. It was frustrating and terrifying – and oddly comforting – all at once.

 

Rey had all the power in this bond. If he let her in, if he let her get close to him, she could break him completely with a single word, Ben knew. If he pushed her away, if he moved across the damn world, she would still be there… in his head, in his _heart_. He hated not being in control.

Picking up the wrench he had thrown, Ben sighed and went back to work, keeping himself busy until he saw all the lights go off in the house through the open hangar doors, and he sensed Rey sleeping. He tried to ignore the fact she had cried herself to sleep – _again_ – because of him. In his opinion, he had already made her cry far too many times, and he knew he would bring her to tears many more times. Ben knew that, as put together as people thought he was in the professional world, he was a failure of epic proportions in his personal life.

 

Turning the lights off in the hangar, Ben made his way to the house to take a shower and get ready for bed.

….

 

Rey was angry as Ben looked up at her. For some reason, they were back in his apartment in New York, and he was sitting at his desk. Her eyes were absolutely lethal as they cut a gaze into his, and as she moved closer, Ben resigned himself to the fact that he deserved every bit of the vitriol he was about to receive.

 

“I am done taking any more of your _charity_ , _Benjamin_ ,” Rey practically spat at him, one finger poking him in the chest now. “Rhys and I did just fine before we met you, and we will be just fine without you. _Got it?_ I don’t need you acting like you care one second, then disregarding me like trash the next. Everyone in my life has left me, has tossed me aside, and I had to make my own life. I won’t beg for someone’s affection, nor will I ask anyone who so obviously fucking detests the very sight of me throw me whatever scraps he deems necessary to keep some governmental agency happy.”

 

Ben swallowed thickly, not saying anything, his heart thumping in his chest – because he knew. This was where he lost her, lost her before he had truly even let her inside. Lost her before he even told her anything he was feeling or thinking… even though she probably knew because of whatever crazy connection they had. He was a fuck up of epic proportions, and Rey had finally had enough.

 

“So, just go on with you pathetic existence, and I will do my best not to bother you any longer – like you want. You can tell your parents though – because they love Rhys, and he loves them. I’ll not break their hearts like that.”

 

Ben swallowed again, licking his lips before speaking, “They know. They know I don’t believe in soulbonds. I have a phone consultation with a doctor in Sweden on Monday. He seems to think he can remove… whatever this is. I could… you know… pay for your procedure as well.”

 

Rey stared at him for a long time before striking out with one hand, slapping him hard twice in the face. “You fucking worthless prat.” She was crying now, the tears running in rivulets down her face. “Congratulations, _Benjamin_. You win the prize. My parents threw me in a bassinet and left me at an orphanage. I went from home to home in the foster system. My ex-husband even left me… but you, you do leaving on a whole new level – because none of them have wanted to have their brains tinkered with to rid themselves of me. I won’t say I hate you, because I don’t. But I want nothing to do with you any longer. You win, does that make you happy?”

 

Ben brought one hand up to his lip, tasting the metallic copper of blood in his mouth. Pulling his fingers away, he saw the bright red blood on his fingers, and he wished Rey would hit him again. He deserved her rage. He deserved her anger and her hate. He deserved to watch her leave, and as she faded away, Ben finally answered the last question she had posed to him.

 

“No.”


	5. Lego House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but Jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time."  
> -Arab Proverb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my Goddess of a Beta and Moodboard artist - [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)... I honestly couldn't do it without you!
> 
> Also, thanks to my main cheerleader and sounding board - [commandercrouton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/commandercrouton), my love for you knows no depths! <3 (She also writes one of my fave fics - "Satisfied"! You should read it!)

[ ](https://imgur.com/66EZkjW)

 

**"I'm gonna pick up the pieces and build a Lego house**  
**If things go wrong we can knock it down**  
**My three words have two meanings but there's one thing on my mind**  
**It's all for you"**

**\- Lego House by Ed Sheeran**

 

Ben slept fitfully, and after a few hours of tossing and turning after Rey’s visit in his dream, he threw off the sheet in disgust, throwing on sweat pants and a hoodie with a pair of old sneakers before heading downstairs. He knew Rey wasn’t sleeping well either – if anything, he could feel her emotions even more now that they were in such close proximity to one another.

 

His lip was split, throbbing and swollen from where Rey had slapped him, and as he peered into the mirror above the bathroom sink, he shook his head softly. Rey might be a small woman – but she packed a wallop when she slapped someone. Ben had deserved it though – he deserved that and more from her.

 

He ran a hand through his hair and decided he would go back out to the hangar to tinker with the Baron. There wasn’t a lot to do with the plane, his Dad kept it in perfect working condition, but Ben needed to do something, something that kept him from thinking about how awful he was. He hadn’t really known Rey’s back story, mainly because he had never taken the time to get to know her. Now that he knew just a tiny bit of it, the way he had treated her was reprehensible.

 

Ben knew he needed to apologize to Rey, to give her clarification about why he couldn’t be with her - even though his feelings for her were strong, bordering on love. It terrified him, simply thinking about giving his heart to another woman to discard and crush like a piece of garbage - like he meant _nothing_ \- he couldn’t handle that. Not ever again.

 

Besides, he was a monster – and he didn’t deserve someone like her. It was definitely better that he maintained distance until he talked with the doctor in Sweden on Monday.

 

The sound of footsteps caught his attention, and Ben looked over his shoulder to find Han standing in the doorway of the hangar, two large mugs of coffee in his hands. “Hey kid. Still don’t sleep well, huh?”

 

Ben didn’t say anything, instead shaking his head as Han approached, his father looking at him carefully before handing him one of the mugs. “Rey packs a wallop for such a tiny thing, doesn’t she?” A small half-smirk came to Han’s lips as he saw the look that came across Ben’s face.

“Look, kid… you’re struggling with this. We know that. Hell, _Rey_ knows that. I’m not the world’s best advice giver, you know that, but that woman loves you, Ben. She doesn’t give a shit about your inheritance, she’s in it for you – and I mean all of you. The good, the bad, the ugly. And you know us Solo men can get ugly sometimes.”

 

Ben shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes for a moment before he swiped it back with one hand. “She doesn’t love me, Dad. Especially not after what I said to her last night. And that’s fine, because I don’t want her to love me anyways. She needs to keep her distance. It’s better for both of us.”

 

“Huh. Okay, kid.” Han knew better than to push his son any further. Taking a long swallow of coffee, Han extended his chin towards the Baron. “Need help tuning the old girl up?”

 

Ben sighed, taking a drink from his mug before nodding, his eyes still not meeting his Dad’s. “Sure.”

….

Rey woke at her usual time, blinking in the darkness of the room she was sleeping in. Her body might still be on New York time, but here, in Montana, it was two hours earlier. She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep any more though, especially with the extra naps she had taken yesterday on the plane and after Ben told her he wanted nothing to do with her.

 

It hurt, deep inside, in places she didn’t even know existed. The urge to go to Ben, to try and soothe all the pain she knew was inside him was intense. She could feel every ounce of what he felt right now – his confusion, shame, sadness and his feelings of utter self-loathing. Even through her own anger at him, and her feelings of abandonment and shame that her own soulmate – the one person who was supposed to be perfect for her, and would always want her no matter what – wanted to be rid of her, to rid himself of the bond that had brought them to each other.

 

She was once again Rey – nobody from nowhere.

 

Slapping him had been a snap decision, one brought about by her feelings of worthlessness and her anger at Ben – but she didn’t regret it. She had hoped it would serve to wake him up, to make him think about the fact that it wasn’t just his feelings involved in this anymore – she had thoughts and feelings, and they were just as valid as his. The bond affected both of them.

 

She didn’t even have to concentrate to know where he was – he was out in the hangar, working on his airplane again. He hadn’t slept well, if at all, and Rey could feel how tired he was. His lip hurt, his head hurt, and even the coffee his Dad had brought him wasn’t doing anything for his fatigue. She knew he had tired circles under his eyes, even without seeing him.

 

If things were different, she would coax him back to bed and wrap herself around him so they could both sleep peacefully for once. Rey had thought about sleeping next to Ben on more than one occasion, and the thought left her with the most intense feeling of longing she had ever experienced.

 

She needed to stop thinking like that though. Ben was going to find a way to rid himself of her. It was best to try not to think of him anymore, because if she did, it would make losing him forever that much worse.

 

After making sure Rhys was tucked in and still sound asleep, Rey made her way downstairs to the kitchen, thankful to find a pot of coffee already brewed. Grabbing a cup from the cupboard, Rey poured a generous amount of sugar in the cup before adding creamer and coffee.

 

Breathing in the fragrant aroma for a moment, she went to the door leading to the back porch and stepped outside. The morning air was crisp and cool, and Rey shivered slightly before settling onto the porch swing, folding her legs underneath her as her eyes went to the hangar behind the house.

 

“They are having bonding time, not talking to each other,” came Leia’s voice from the doorway behind her, causing Rey to jump slightly. “I’m sorry, Rey, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Leia stepped onto the porch now, a mug of coffee in her hand, the steam from the beverage curling into the crisp air. “It’s the way Solo men operate. They bang on engines and parts to vent their frustrations… but actually uttering a word about feelings to each other is some kind of cardinal sin.”

 

“I-I slapped him, Leia. Last night. I slapped your son, and I am so sorry…” Rey’s words came out in a rush as she half-turned to look at Ben’s mother, who was leaning up against one of the sturdy posts in one corner of the porch. Rey expected Leia to show some sort of surprise or disgust, but instead, Leia let out a small laugh.

 

“If I had a dollar for all the times I smacked Han when we were younger and just starting our lives together… well, we’d have a lot more money than we do have,” Leia remarked, her eyes sparkling with mirth. “Let me guess, he said something so idiotic and without consideration for your feelings, that he pissed you off so badly you just let him have it – am I right?”

 

“He… well, it was while we were asleep and in a dream – he said he would pay for the procedure to remove my bond as well. Leia, everyone in my life has left me, has abandoned me. And now he wants to as well. My soulmate. The person who is supposed to be perfect for me. He just wants to toss me aside like trash… and then let someone play with his brain so he doesn’t have to have anything to do with me anymore.” Rey took a long gulp of coffee so she wouldn’t start crying again.

 

“He did deserve that slap then,” Leia said after a moment, her eyes going to the hangar as well.

 

“He bought me a jacket,” Rey said softly after a long silence, her eyes never leaving the open door of the hangar. She was hoping to catch a glimpse of Ben, even one tiny glimpse would make her feel better. “Bought me a jacket because he didn’t want me cold, then tells me he doesn’t want me at all.” Rey sighed and drained her cup before unfolding herself from the swing and standing. “I guess I’ll go back inside now and maybe try to go back to sleep for a bit. Thank you, Leia – for everything.”

As much as Rey tried to go back to sleep, she simply couldn’t. Instead, she tucked herself into the windowsill of her room, gazing out across the back yard and hoping to see a glimpse of Ben. She knew she had to toughen up, at least until they got back to New York and she didn’t have to be in the same house as him anymore. Ben had made his choice, and as much as it hurt, she had to accept it.

 

Like everyone else in her life, Ben didn’t want her. She had to make her own way, like she had always done.

 

….

 

Ben waited as long as he could to go back inside the house. When he did, he was greeted with the sight of his Dad making breakfast for everyone. Leia and Han looked at him when he walked in, his parents smiling at the sight of him, and his Dad gestured to the table with a spatula, the apron that said ‘Kiss The Cook’ that he wore every time he cooked had been one Ben bought him when he was eight-years-old. “Bacon and pancakes are on the table, kid. Sit and eat.”

 

It was the last thing Ben wanted to do, but he saw the look on his Mom’s face and shuffled to the table, sliding into his spot – which was right across from where Rey was sitting. Ben filled his plate and started to eat, noting that Rey had next to nothing on her plate, and only took a few sips of her coffee. He could feel how sad she was – he had devastated her last night, and he tried to tell himself it was for the best.

 

She was better off without him, but she deserved both an apology and a reason for his decision. He could give her that, at least.

 

Leia looked at them both, shaking her head softly before smiling and putting a hand on Rey’s arm. “We’re going shopping. You need a dress for tonight. Ben, what are you wearing?”

 

Ben looked up at his mother, a forkful of pancakes halfway to his mouth. _What is she trying to do?_ “Uh, black suit with a white shirt, I guess? Black and white tie… why?”

 

Leia just smiled. “Because, Rey will have to wear something to match, of course. You are soulmates.”

 

 _Diabolical_ , both Rey and Ben thought at the same time, each one projecting the thought to the other without trying to do so.

 

….

 

Rey spent the day with Leia trying on dresses, and when they headed home, Rey knew she was going to look beautiful that night. She had done her best to ignore all the feelings and thoughts she picked up from Ben the whole day. He had spent the day alone, swinging on the porch swing and reading some utterly boring (to her, at least) book on ethics, and she knew he was dreading the party as much as she was. Leia had already told her that they would be seated at the same table for dinner – which happened to be the same table as them – and that, better yet, they would be sitting next to each other.

 

It was going to take everything in her to not have a break down, because she knew Ben would only speak to her if he had to.

 

When they arrived back at the ranch, Rey deposited her dress in her room. Rhys was down for a nap – and apparently, so was Han. Rey had to giggle at the sight of Ben’s gruff father, reclined back in his chair with her son curled up against his side, both of them sound asleep.

 

As she turned to go into the kitchen, Ben’s tall frame blocked the doorway, his voice soft as he said, “We should talk.”

 

Rey refused to look at him, instead brushing past him as best she could, her elbow connecting firmly with his ribcage as she did so. “No. We shouldn’t. Your choice.”

 

….

 

Ben spent the rest of the day in the hangar, trying desperately not to think about what a fuck up of a human being he was. He wasn’t looking forward to the coming party, because he would have to be close to Rey all night, and he was positive his mother would be introducing them as soulmates to absolutely _everyone_ , which was going to make it that much more difficult when Ben had the bond removed.

 

As he showered and dressed for the party, he couldn’t help but grow more and more unsettled. He could sense Rey’s nervousness as well, and he knew she was filled with doubt as the time grew closer and closer. She felt like she didn’t belong here, like she didn’t fit in. He caught a fleeting thought about him – how she was so awful that even her soulmate didn’t want her.

That made him roll his eyes in frustration. She didn’t have a clue.

 

With another frustrated sigh, Ben made his way downstairs to wait until they had to leave, his fingers tapping impatiently against his leg as he sat in his favorite chair in the living room. Rey was the last to make her way downstairs to join everyone, and as Ben caught sight of her coming down the stairs, he was left breathless, his heart pounding in his chest and his eyes unable to focus on anything but Rey.

 

Her hair was down, falling in soft waves, and her dress was utterly breathtaking, the black and silver falling around her, showing off her body in ways that made him want to cover her up so that no one else would be able to see. A slit in one side showed off one long, perfectly shaped leg, and the way the fabric was cut on the opposite side showed off the curve of her waist where it met her hip, making him wonder what she would look like without the fabric hugging her body.

 

His breath hitched in his throat again, his jaw working furiously as she reached the bottom of the steps, and her eyes turned to his for a brief moment before looking at his mother.

 

“Stunning,” Leia intoned, before reaching over and poking Ben in the ribs. “Don’t you think so, Benny?”

 

Ben found that he could only nod, the words he wanted to say not able to be vocalized by him right now. She looked like a Goddess, and Ben felt his resolve from earlier slipping away like leaves in an autumn breeze. Maybe they could find a way to be together.

 

“Mommy! You wook bootiful!” Rhys’ voice piped in, the little boy running to his mother and throwing his arms around her leg.

 

The ride in the limo to the hotel where the party was being held in was agony, because Ben had to sit next to Rey, and he wanted so badly to touch her. For the first time since she had spilled coffee on him at Kanata’s, Ben found that he wanted nothing more than to talk to her, to apologize for being such a jerk – but Rey clearly wasn’t having it. She wouldn’t even _look_ at him.

As they piled out of the car at the hotel, Rey walked beside him, one hand holding onto Rhys’ and the other at her side, and Ben reached out, putting one hand on her elbow. He huffed as she shook it off, her eyes narrowing as she looked at him.

 

“No,” she hissed softly at him. “You made your choice, Ben Solo. Deal with it. Don’t touch me.”

Ben just shook his head in response, knowing she was right. He had made a choice when he saw her coming down those stairs wearing that insanely sexy dress. He wanted her, and even though he didn’t believe in soulbonds, maybe he could still be with her. It would take work on his part. Even if he had to spend days or weeks trying to make this all up to her – he would. He’d find a way.

 

He just wanted her. Even if she never forgave him, even if she just wanted him to be her friend. He could do that for her. Because it was Rey, and she was the first person who had ever made his heart trip in his chest like it was right now as he glanced over at her walking beside him. Even his harpy of an ex-wife hadn’t made him feel like he did when he was with Rey.

 

Why was he such an infernal asshole? Why couldn’t he ever make things work?

 

They entered the banquet hall, and Ben saw Rey look around in wonder, a small gasp leaving her lips. He could feel the wonder and disbelief rolling off her in waves, and then he felt the self-doubt. She knew she didn’t belong here.

 

….

 

Rey could feel the eyes on her as they entered the banquet hall, Rhys skipping alongside her, and Ben walking on the other side. Even though she was angry at him, his presence was comforting to her, soothing nerves that had been on edge all day. Looking around the hall, Rey felt completely in awe – and terribly out of her element.

 

She was nobody, and she didn’t belong here.

 

Leia had luckily coached her a bit on their shopping trip this afternoon, and Rey let out a nervous sigh as she followed the couple that she desperately wished could be her parents-in-law someday to the table they would all be seated at. The dinner was catered, of course, and as a waiter guided her to a chair, Rey was surprised when Ben stepped in front of him to pull her chair out for her, his large fingers brushing her arm as he pushed it in after she was seated.

 

As he sat beside her, she glared at him. _Don’t try to be nice to me, Solo. You made your bed, you lie in it, you insufferable wanker._

 

Rey saw him flinch as he heard her barb in his head, and she almost felt bad. But her words were true – this is what he wanted – he had said so himself. He wanted his distance, he wanted nothing to do with her. Rey was determined to give him what he wanted, no matter how much it hurt.

 

Leia delighted in introducing her as Ben’s soulmate, and Rhys as her grandson, and every time she did, Rey flinched inside, wanting to break down in tears. She wished Leia’s words were true, that Ben accepted their bond and accepted her and Rhys. She’d never had a family, of course, but Leia and Han had been so quick to accept them both into the fold. Rey loved them both, and she loved their son – even though he was the most stubborn, temperamental man she had ever met.

 

After the best food Rey had ever eaten, followed by a dessert so rich she was positive merely looking at it would cause her to gain fifty pounds, Rey sat uncomfortably silent as the conversation went on around her, and then a band started to play on the stage, the music floating through the air and mingling with the conversations, causing a pleasant cacophony of sound that gave her a reprieve from having to talk to anyone – and her own whirling thoughts.

Rhys was being as good as you would expect a three-year-old to be, and Han had managed to keep the tow-headed boy occupied for most of the party. As Rey looked down at him, she heard someone clearing their throat near her, and she looked up to find a handsome man standing to the side of her chair, smiling at her.

 

“Miss Sands, I believe I met you earlier, when you first arrived. My name is Samuel Atkins, and I was wondering if I could perhaps have a dance with you?”

 

Rey felt Ben tense beside her, his thoughts turning angry and jealous as he looked over at her. Rey pretended not to see him, instead smiling at Samuel. “That would be lovely! Han, would you be able to keep an eye on Rhys for me for a few moments?” Han nodded, his eyes flickering between Ben and Rey quickly.

 

All Rey could think of as Samuel led her to the dance floor was that he wasn’t Ben – even though she wished he was.

 

….

 

As the other man led Rey onto the dance floor, Ben felt anger, red hot and dangerous, flare within him, until he was left almost breathless by it, clenching and unclenching his fists as he tried to stay in control of his feelings. He wanted to storm out onto the dance floor and rip Rey out of his arms, letting the lecherous asshole know that she belonged to _him_.

 

The world closed in around him, and all Ben saw was red as he tried desperately to not give in to the feelings churning inside him, his mother’s voice finally helping him focus again as her hand on his arm pinched sharply, the jolt of pain bringing his eyes to hers.

 

“Ben… focus, son. Focus. She’s your soulmate, not his. Remember that. You hurt her, son, hurt her terribly… she thinks you don’t want her, that you’re throwing her away like everyone else has done. That’s not true, is it? Ben… focus on me.” Leia’s words made him stop for a moment, and his bottom lip quivered with emotion, his eye twitching as he tried to find something to cling to – some small glimmer of hope that Rey might forgive him for his actions.

 

He couldn’t lose her – he was _terrified_ at the thought of losing her.

 

Leia leaned in, her eyes concerned as she watched her son warring with himself internally. “Tell her, Ben. Tell her. Tell her you want her. She needs to hear it, son.”

 

Leia patted his arm soothingly, watching as Ben stood, mumbling, “I will,” as he looked at Rey, dancing with a Senator’s son.

 

Squaring his shoulders, Ben decided it was high time she dance with a _former_ Senator’s son, and the man that was desperately in love with her.

 

….

 

As Rey danced with Samuel, all she could do was compare him to Ben. He wasn’t as tall, wasn’t as wide at the shoulders. He didn’t give off heat like Ben did – didn’t sound or smell like Ben. It simply wasn’t _right_ , being in his arms. She should be in Ben’s. All Samuel did was talk about himself and his career, and Rey decided she definitely didn’t like him. At all.

 

Of course, she reminded herself – Samuel Atkins wasn’t Ben Solo. And Ben Solo was the only man she wanted – whether he wanted her or not.

 

She felt Ben’s anger through their bond, coupled with a jealousy that made her breathless for a moment, and then he was standing, practically _stalking_ across the dance floor to them with a tight, polite smile on his face as he looked at Samuel.

 

“Mind if I cut in, Sam? I’d like to have a dance with my _soulmate_ ,” Ben intoned, his deep baritone low and dangerous, his eyes flashing with a possessive anger that sent a chill down her spine.

 

The other man only had to glance at Ben to know that it would be best for him to give up the dance gracefully. With a curt smile and a nod at Rey, Sam said, “Of course, Ben. Rey? Thank you for the dance.”

 

Rey nodded, swallowing thickly as she felt Ben’s hand on her waist and the small of her back, and her eyes narrowed slightly as she looked up at him. “What are you trying to pull, Solo?” Rey hissed softly, trying not to let the feel of his warm hands on her dampen the anger she felt towards him.

 

“You wouldn’t talk to me otherwise, and I don’t like any other man touching you,” Ben said softly, his rich timbre like the sweetest symphony to her ears, his words a healing balm to her soul. “I’m sorry, Rey.”

 

Rey looked up into his eyes, her heart stopping and her breath hitching at the raw emotion she saw in them. “Prove it, Ben. Because I am not okay with you right now.”

 

Ben looked down into her hazel eyes, and he finally saw the deep wounds he had caused with his words on the plane. “I will. You’ll see. You look beautiful tonight.”

 

“Thank you,” she said softly, laying her head against his chest. She would take this moment, take this small victory before the turmoil of the next few weeks – a turmoil in which she hoped Ben would come to terms with their soulbond. She could hear his heart beating, solid and strong, and Rey knew that no matter what, she would love this man for the rest of her life. Even if he severed the bond between them, she would still want him, him and no other.

 

Ben was her happy place. He was warmth, he was love, he was _home_.

 

She could only hope he really would find a way to show her he was sorry.

 

….

 

Ben kept Rey in his arms for three more dances, before he twined his fingers through hers and led her back to the table, a smug, satisfied look on his face as he passed Sam Atkins’ table.

Everyone knew she was his now. He had staked his claim in front of everyone.

 

Now he just had to prove to Rey that he wanted to be with her. Even if he didn’t believe in the same mystical bullshit she did, he would still find a way to show her.

 

As Rey settled herself back in her seat, Ben looked at his mother, who simply smiled at him and gave him a thumbs up. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t a complete fuck up all the time.

 

….

 

When Rey went to bed that night, she slept better than she had in a week. Somehow, she knew things would be alright now. Ben had been nothing more than a perfect gentleman the rest of the evening, attentive to her every need, like she knew he could be.

 

She loved him – God, did she love him.

 

She woke the next morning at her usual time, shaking her head softly at the fact that her body refused to take into account the time difference here, and as she got out of bed quietly so that she wouldn’t wake Rhys, she let out a soft laugh as she noticed the lights in the hangar on.

 

Ben was a Solo – and like Leia had told her, they worked out their feelings on engines. Ben had more than enough feelings to work out, that was for sure. Rey looked at Rhys, making sure he was still sleeping soundly, before she threw on a pair of jeans, a hoodie and sneakers, making her way silently through the quiet house and out to the hangar.

 

….

 

Ben knew Rey was approaching before she even got inside, and as she drew near, he simply said, “Hi,” as he tinkered with the engine of his plane.

 

“Hey,” Rey replied, standing behind him and peering into the engine. She could see one issue with the wiring harness, which she would point out if Ben missed it – instead, she decided to focus on him for the time being. “You haven’t slept yet, have you?” He looked tired, and Rey knew he felt tired despite all the feelings warring inside that beautiful, shrewd mind of his. Her soulmate was perfectly imperfect, and she loved that about him.

 

“No. Too much going on in my head,” Ben replied, peering down at the part in his hand for a moment before he half-turned, looking at Rey. “What are you doing up anyways?”

 

Rey shrugged. “My body always wakes up at five. Still on New York time, I guess. Ben… you need to get some sleep. You’re gonna wear yourself out.” Rey took a step forward and put a hand on his arm gently. “Want some help?”

 

Ben snorted. “Like you would be able to help me put this back together,” his voice was filled with amusement now, and Rey’s brow rose as she looked at him.

 

“As it happens, Ben, I can fix _anything_. I’m two semesters away from my Bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering. For instance, the black wire there, in the housing coupler? It’s in the wrong place. I’d rather you not have the engine stall when you’re ten thousand feet in the air.”

 

“Don’t want me dead yet, huh?” Ben joked. “I guess that’s a good thing, after the last month or so,” Ben looked over at Rey, his eyes sparkling with humor.

 

She’d never seen him actually _amused_ before.

 

“Yeah, not ready to talk about that yet, Solo,” Rey said softly, her eyes going back to the wiring harness. Stepping around Ben, Rey set to work making the changes to it. When she was finished, she started in on a tune-up for the engine, humming to herself as she worked.

 

They worked in companionable, comfortable silence for a while, and Rey realized that she felt _content_ for the first time. Ben was truly her home, and she could tell through their bond that he was content as well.

 

She looked up to find Ben looking at her curiously, and a blush came across her face. “What?” Rey asked softly.

 

“How come you didn’t finish your degree? Was it because you had Rhys?” Ben asked softly.

 

Rey looked down, biting her lip softly before answering with a shake of her head. “No. I divorced Thomas. I couldn’t afford it any more. I was using his military service to pay for college.”

 

“Oh. I’m sorry, Rey.”

 

“I know,” Rey replied, the feeling she was getting through their bond telling her that his words were true.

 

….

 

When they boarded the plane back to New York, Leia left Rey with whispered words of wisdom, “Stay strong, Rey. He’s almost there… he was so terrified last night that he was losing you. We’ll talk soon?”

 

Rey just nodded at the woman she was quickly starting to think of as her mother. “I’ll text to let you know when we land.” Rey gave Leia a hug before boarding the plane, giving the flight attendant from the flight to Montana a look to remind her that she was still Ben Solo’s soulmate.

 

Rhys was babbling away in the seat beside her, playing with the toys Han and Leia had bought him, when he leaned across Rey to look at Ben. “Beb? Beb? Can take me to see piwot? Pwease?”

 

Rey waited, holding her breath as she looked to see Ben’s reaction. Surprisingly enough, he chuckled, undoing his seatbelt and standing. “Sure, kid, come on. Let’s go see the pilot.”

 

“Yey! Beb’s gonna take me see piwot, Mommy!” Rhys whooped excitedly.

 

“I know, baby. Be good for Ben, okay? Listen to him?” Rey unbuckled his seatbelt, watching with a smile as Ben ushered her son towards the front of the plane. When they came back, instead of Ben returning him to his seat beside her, he picked Rhys up, settling him onto one leg as he pulled out his phone to show the toddler videos of planes, explaining how they worked to him in his deep baritone.

 

If she hadn’t been in love with him already, seeing him actually interacting with Rhys would have done it.

 

As her son started to yawn, his eyes growing heavy with sleep, Rey said softly, “Ben, bring him over here so he can take a nap. He’s exhausted.” Ben stood, easily hefting the almost asleep toddler up, and the boy was asleep seconds after Ben settled him into the seat next to hers, reclining it back and covering him with a blanket.

 

Ben settled back into his seat, and Rey watched him for a moment, moving to take a book out of her bag when Ben’s voice stopped her.

 

“We should… talk,” he said, his jaw working nervously for a moment before he looked up at her, his whiskey eyes making her heart flutter in her chest. “Do you want to move over here next to me… so we don’t wake Rhys?”

 

Rey nodded before standing, shuffling across the aisle and across Ben before settling into the seat next to his. She found herself nervous suddenly, and she licked her lips as she looked at him, waiting for him to start talking.

 

“I… I cancelled the consultation with the doctor in Sweden tomorrow,” Ben started, biting his bottom lip almost shyly as he looked over at Rey. “I still don’t believe in it… in the whole soulmate theory… but I believe in… _this._ Whatever is between us. It took me realizing I could lose you before I finally realized what that would do to me.”

 

“I see,” Rey said softly, her eyes on Ben’s as she felt joy bloom in her heart. He was _trying_ , and that counted for something. Reaching over, Rey grabbed his hand, and she couldn’t help but realize how huge it was as he twined his fingers through hers. His hands were so warm, so soft, and she felt immediately content and happy at his touch. “So, where do we go from here, Ben?”

 

“Well, I think we should start by, maybe, actually dating? Going on dates, conversation, getting to know each other beyond this crazy mental… whatever it is… that we have going on. I mean, seeing you in dreams is, interesting, to say the least, and being able to talk to you from across the city is – well, it could be distracting – but actually _seeing_ each other as we talk will mean more, don’t you think?” Ben squeezed her hand gently for emphasis, and Rey nodded in agreement.

 

Because touching him was absolutely the best thing she had ever experienced.

 

Rey swallowed hard as she squeezed his hand in return. “Agreed, even though I know what we have runs much, much deeper. I’ll prove it to you somehow.” Rey smiled at him. “We need to be honest with each other, Ben, okay? Because… if we’re not honest with each other, even with our bond – because that is what it is, whether you believe it or not – well, it will never work. I don’t honestly think we could lie to each other anyways. Even when you’re acting like a giant wanker, I still know what’s going on inside that brilliant mind of yours.”

 

Ben gave her a half-smirk, nodding his head. “Agreed.”

 

“Thank you, Ben. For cancelling the appointment. It means a lot. And thank you for everything you have done for Rhys and I.” Rey leaned over, her head now resting against his arm. The warmth radiating off him was like a giant oven, and he smelled delicious – like spices, the outdoors and a hint of hydraulic fluid from when they were working on his plane earlier. He smelled like home to her. Rey yawned, snuggling herself a bit closer as she closed her eyes. “I can relax now, can’t I?”

 

“Yeah,” Ben said softly, watching as she fell asleep. “Me too.”

 

….

Rey came awake suddenly an hour later to the sounds of Ben coughing harshly beside her. He had leaned over, trying to keep her from waking up, and as she blinked sleepily at him, he tried to wave her off, twisting open a bottle of water that the flight attendant must have brought him.

 

Rey knew he wasn’t feeling well – she could feel it through their bond. “Ben…” Rey said softly, glancing at the display on her phone for the time, “we won’t be in New York for another three hours. Lie back and try to sleep, okay?” Rey placed a hand to his forehead, frowning as she felt heat radiating off his skin – more heat than she thought was normally there.

 

Ben waved a hand at her, “I’m fine, Rey.”

 

Rey narrowed her eyes at him before standing and moving out the aisle, where she reached out and felt for the lever to adjust the seat, giving him a smirk as the seat reclined back. “You’re an idiot, Ben Solo. I’m your soulmate-“ She looked at him, throwing up a finger before he could dispute that fact with her. “I am – whether you believe it or not – and I _know_ when you’re not feeling well, you bloody wanker. Now lie back and let me get some Tylenol for you before your fever gets worse, and I don’t want to hear your stubborn ass argue with me – got it?”

 

“Fine, Rey,” Ben said, a small smile coming to his lips as he watched Rey retrieve the pills from her bag, and he willingly took them as she watched, closing his eyes as she settled into her original seat across the aisle from him. Rey watched him as he fell into a fitful sleep for the rest of the flight home.

 

Rey shook Ben awake after they had landed, letting out a small giggle as he came awake with a snort. He was sick, the sleep having done little good for him, and Rey felt bad for him. “Come on, big guy. You need to get off this plane, so I can get you home and tucked into bed before I go home,” Rey said to Ben as he sat his seat upright, looking around blearily for a moment before breaking into another coughing fit.

 

“I feel like death,” Ben finally managed to get out as he stood, gathering his bags.

 

The cab ride to his apartment was a quiet one, only broken by the sounds of his coughing. Rhys was even quiet, playing with the toy airplane Han had bought for him as he watched the buildings pass by the cab windows. As they pulled up outside Ben’s building, Rey looked at Ben, a small smile coming to her lips as she leaned towards him, placing a soft, sweet, chaste kiss to his lips. “Let me take care of you, for once. Rhys can behave for a few hours while I make you some soup and you take a hot shower before bed. Deal?”

 

Ben nodded, his hand coming up to his lips to touch where her lips had been a moment before. He wanted to kiss her a lot more thoroughly – but she held the reins to their relationship right now. Sure, they had talked through some things on the way home, but Ben knew he had hurt her, and that it wasn’t easy for her to forgive, nor to put her trust in anyone after all she had been through in her life.

 

All he could do is try.

 

As they exited the car and went inside, Ben was thankful he had her, because he really did feel awful. His eyes were bleary, his throat burned, his chest felt like someone was sitting on it, and his nose was stuffy. Even his ears hurt.

 

Once they were safely inside his apartment, Rey settled Rhys onto the couch, turning on cartoons on the television to keep him occupied as she set to work. She had shuffled Ben off to the bathroom with instructions to take a hot, steamy shower, and as she rifled through his cabinets to see what she could make, she found herself rolling her eyes.

 

Lucky charms, coffee… and _kale chips?_ Who the hell ate kale chips?

 

Luckily, she found a can of chicken noodle soup and some crackers, as well as a container of tea bags, and as he reappeared in the living room after a shower, Rey was almost finished putting everything together for him. Without even looking at him, she pointed to his bedroom. “Go. Get in bed. I’ll bring this into you. Don’t argue with me, Solo.”

 

As the tea kettle heated up, Rey shuffled into his bathroom, looking through his medicine cabinet. Luckily, she found some Tylenol and Vicks, as well as some cold tablets. As the tea kettle started to whistle, Rey returned to the kitchen, grabbing the bowl of soup and a sleeve of crackers and taking them to the bedroom, where she found Ben propped up against his headboard, shivering even though he was covered up completely.

 

Setting the bowl and crackers down, Rey made one more trip, next bringing him a cup of tea, as well as the medicine and two bottles of water she had found in his fridge. Settling herself onto the edge of the bed, Rey looked at him briefly before sighing. “Come on, Ben, eat this soup and drink some tea so you can take some medicine and go to sleep, okay?”

 

Ben just nodded, taking the soup and finishing it off quickly after crumbling crackers into it. Rey watched him the whole time, content with just being able to take care of him for the time being. She had already concluded that she was happier when she was around him – even if she wanted to scream at him for being difficult or saying something that wounded her deeply. He was hers, and she was his. It was the way it was supposed to be.

 

Ben liked having Rey here – her presence was soothing. As she made sure he ate and gave him medicine to make sure he slept, he wanted to ask her to stay. He knew, though, that it was far too soon for him to ask that of her, so as she said goodbye and turned the light off, Ben felt sadness wash over him, even knowing that he would see her soon – it still felt like too long.

As Rey gathered Rhys up and cleaned up after cooking, making sure the door was locked before leaving to go home, she knew she would be up all night worrying about Ben. She almost decided to stay for the night and sleep on his couch – but she felt it was too soon for that. She had to remember that even though he was trying – he had still hurt her deeply, and he had to earn her forgiveness and trust. As the cab pulled away from the curb, she stared up at his window wistfully, already missing him.


	6. Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey _TALK_.. about _feelings_ and stuff....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beautiful and awesome Beta/Moodboard Goddess, [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)! She has recently put some goooood stuff out... go check it out!
> 
> Kleenex Level Alert: Minimal.
> 
> Also note: Chapter count has increased by two for now, because these morons won't shut up in my brain. :)
> 
> Enjoy!

[](https://imgur.com/Mu119nB)

Rey knew that when a man got sick, it was twice as bad as when a woman got sick. Ben was acting like he had the plague.

 

He had a cold.

 

Since the night they had returned from Montana two days ago, he had been in bed, huddled underneath his comforter and  _ complaining _ . Nothing was good enough, nothing was right – and he was standing on her last nerve. Actually, he wasn’t standing on it – he was jumping up and down on it – and she was going to throttle him.

 

Lovingly, of course.

 

Rey had spent every moment she could at his apartment, making sure he was eating and drinking enough. Even though he was the worst patient ever, she couldn’t let him suffer – he was her soulmate, whether the idiot believed it or not. Besides, if she didn’t nurse him back to health, how would they ever start to work on building a relationship?

 

“Ben,” Rey said softly, sticking her head into his bedroom door, only to find him fast asleep with a half-eaten bowl of soup on his lap. With a small smile, Rey moved across the room, picking up the bowl before reaching out and swiping a lock of hair off his forehead. She did a quick inventory of his bedside table, making sure he had enough Kleenex, Vicks, water and cough drops to make it through the night.

 

Grabbing a post-it note from his office, Rey scribbled out a note to him, sticking it to his alarm clock.

 

_ I locked up. Had to hold my breath every time I came near you. Not only are you a HUGE GERM BAG, but you need a shower, for fuck’s sake. –Rey _

 

….

 

_ Leia Organa-Solo was diabolical – and Rey adored her for it. _

 

It had been 2 weeks since they had travelled to Montana, and Han and Leia had come to New York for a visit – which meant they insisted on seeing their only child and his soulmate. Things had been better between Ben and Rey – he was less grumpy and more accepting of her. She had actually seen him smile once when she served him his breakfast – which was a new revelation. Even Maz had noted how he seemed happier now.

 

Leia, of course, was in almost constant contact with Rey and Rhys, and when she had told Rey about her plan – one that Rey was certain Ben was going to lose his mind over – well, Leia wasn’t the type of person you said no to.

 

Rey sat next to Ben at a table at one of the nicest restaurants in the city, trying to suppress a smirk as Leia pushed a folder across the table to her son. Ben looked up from his meal, his brow furrowing at the gesture.

 

“What’s this?” He asked, his deep timbre rumbling across the table towards his mother.

Leia smiled, looking at them both and practically clapping her hands in excitement. Han, meanwhile, leaned back in his chair, a half-smirk on his face as he shook his head softly at his wife’s antics.

 

“That,” Leia said, “is information on the Raddus Brain Center in Stockholm, Sweden. They are the leading experts on soulbonds, and I have arranged for you and Rey to meet with Dr. Ackbar – the best neurologist in the world. He says, Benny, that he can run tests on both you and Rey, and that if you are indeed soulmates, you will have scientific proof of it afterwards.”

 

Ben’s eyes narrowed at his mother then, and he pushed the folder back towards her. “No.”

 

“Benjamin Lucas Solo, you listen here,” Leia said, her eyes now narrowing at her son. “What are you afraid of? The fact that you might find out this is all real? That, oh my God, the universe finally saw fit enough to give you a damn gift? That maybe you are worthy and deserving of someone? Please, son… do this for you… and for Rey. For both of you.”

 

“I can’t take off work,” Ben said before shoveling a mouthful of food into his mouth. Rey sat silently beside him, her heart heavy at his reluctance to give the doctor in Sweden a chance.

 

_ You were so willing to go to Sweden to get rid of me… why can’t you be willing to be proven wrong, Solo? _

 

_ Rey, that’s not it…  _ Ben already knew he would lose this fight. He had no ground to stand on anymore, not when it came to Rey. They had been spending so much time together, and Ben found himself falling more and more in love with her every day. He had even – begrudgingly – spent time with Rhys, and Ben adored the little boy now. The truth of the matter was – Ben was half afraid that test would find there was no bond between them – and that would give Rey a way out.

He didn’t think he could handle losing her. His marriage ending had made him withdrawn, untrusting and bitter. Bazine’s betrayal had been a surprise – both to him and his parents. When she had moved out while he was on a business trip to give a lecture at a school across the country, it had been his maid who had let him know. He had arrived home to a cold, almost empty house, with a simple note on his pillow.

 

_ -Thanks for paying for the Yoga lessons. At least Geoffrey paid attention to me. Where were you? –B _

 

If they found that there was no bond – because, Ben had to admit to himself, nothing else but a soulbond made sense – then Rey would realize she didn’t have to stick around, and she would leave. Who was he, to keep a beautiful woman like Rey in his life? Ben wasn’t anyone special, he knew that. He was gruff, bullheaded and boring. His mother had even told him he was incorrigible on more than one occasion – and, well – he was Han Solo’s son, after all.

 

Ben looked over at Rey, who was staring at him, and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

_ Well? What moronic excuse do you have now, Ben?  _ Rey thought to him, as Ben reached out and swiped the folder back towards him.

 

“Fine. It shouldn’t be a problem getting another instructor to cover my classes for a week.” Ben almost sighed in relief as Rey’s look went from decidedly angry to almost smug.

 

She knew him entirely too well, and she had known what his mother was planning all along. He would have known that without their bond.

 

_ None. But next time you and my mother plan something like this, please check with me about taking time off work. _ Ben almost smirked as he watched the blush creep onto Rey’s cheeks at his words.

 

_ Touche, pussycat. _ Rey bit her bottom lip, clearly amused at her involvement in Leia’s plot being caught by him.  _ And you know, Ben, that once they prove we have a soulbond – I am never. Letting. It. Go. _

 

_ I know _ , Ben thought back.  _ I’d expect nothing less from you, Rey. _

 

Ben did his best to ignore Rey’s finger poking him in the ribs as he went back to eating.

 

….

 

Three days later found them boarding one of Solo Aviation’s Lear jets, and as they entered the plane, Rey was happy to see that there was a different flight attendant for this flight. If she had to look at the one that had flirted with Ben when they went to Montana for eight and a half hours – well, it wouldn’t have been pretty.

 

As she settled into a seat next to Ben, Rey felt nervous energy as she looked out the window. The next few days were going to be pivotal ones in their relationship, and Rey had meant what she thought to Ben at dinner several nights ago. When the doctors proved that they had a soulbond – she was never letting Ben forget what a colossal idiot he had been in denying it.

Normal couples couldn’t see into each other’s heads, visit each other in dreams, feel each other’s emotions, or talk to each other no matter where they were. As the plane began to taxi down the runway, Rey reached over and grabbed Ben’s hand, lacing her fingers through his.

 

Rey waited until they were in the air before squeezing Ben’s hand softly. She knew he had work to do, but something had been bothering her since their dinner with Han and Leia, and Rey wanted to address it on their way to Sweden. Ben looked over at her, a lock of his hair falling onto his forehead, and Rey smiled as she used her free hand to put it back in place.

 

“You have something on your mind, but you know it’s going to upset me, so you are hesitating to bring it up,” Ben remarked. Since they had been spending so much more time together, they rarely had to wonder how the other was thinking or feeling – they just  _ knew _ .

 

Rey nodded, biting her bottom lip. “You… okay, I sense this  _ affection _ when you are around Rhys. Don’t deny it, Solo, because when he demands you pick him up, you don’t hesitate anymore, or call him a little germ bag. You even watched  _ Scooby Doo _ with him the other day, and let’s not even talk about the fact that you  _ enjoyed _ it.” Rey let the tiniest hint of a smirk grace her lips before she continued. “When you think about me, it’s more than affection. It’s… you love me. But you’re terrified of saying it, of letting me know how you feel.”

 

Ben didn’t answer, but his jaw was working furiously, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. Rey was right – he was upset. How do you explain to someone that you love them desperately, but you don’t want to acknowledge it – because acknowledging it gives them power over you? The last person Ben had given that power to had crushed him – emotionally and financially.

 

Ben bit his bottom lip, his eyes meeting Rey’s. Did he love her? Desperately. Was he ready to tell her that? No.

 

So, Ben said nothing, instead squeezing her hand softly, hoping that would be enough. Of course, Rey was in his head – but maybe she would sense his discomfort and leave it alone. As she opened her mouth to continue speaking, Ben felt his heart sink – of course she wouldn’t leave it alone.

 

“You’re afraid,” Rey said softly.

 

“Terrified,” Ben said in reply, his words hanging in the air between them.

 

Rey turned away, her eyes going to the window as she surveyed the land, so far beneath them now. She let go of his hand, her body leaning away from his.

 

Ben cringed at her withdrawal. He always felt better when she was near, and even more so when they were touching each other. The loss of her touch was almost profound, especially since Ben knew she was unhappy with him.

 

“It’s not you,” Ben said softly, after a few moments of trying to distract himself with his phone. Rey had been staring out the window the whole time, and Ben knew she was trying not to cry. She turned her hazel eyes to him, and Ben saw the tears pooling in them.

 

It wasn’t the first time he had made her cry – and it probably wouldn’t be the last. He was a colossal fuck up, after all.

 

“Rey,” Ben said softly, running a hand through his hair and huffing under his breath.

 

Swallowing hard, Rey looked at her soulmate before mustering the strength to speak. “Thomas used to say that to me too. After he hit me. ‘It’s not you, Rey. It’s me. I’m fucked up, the Army did something to me when I was in Iraq.’ But guess what? It  _ is _ me. It  _ has _ to be me. I’m unworthy of being loved. Always have been, and always will be.”

Ben felt his heart clench painfully, and without thinking he reached over and drew Rey as close to him as he could. “But that’s not true, Rey. You are worthy of love. Look at Rhys! He adores you, that little man worships the ground you walk on. My parents adore you, Maz and your co-workers – they all love you as well.”

“And you? The one person who should be able to express that…” Rey stated simply, her eyes searching his. She knew somewhere – deep within – that Ben loved her. She had felt it, pure and true through their bond, yet he was so scarred, he couldn’t utter the words because he thought she was going to hurt him like his ex-wife had. “I’m not her, you know. I’m not Bazine. I don’t give a fuck about who you are related to or how much money is in your bank account. I just want you. But  _ all _ of you, not just these little fleeting glimpses of you, the little pieces you let me see sometimes. I want all of it – the good and the bad, the sad and happy, the confused and the enlightened…I won’t settle for anything less, Ben, because I deserve to have all of you. I’m sorry for everything she did to you, I really am. I know she left marks on your soul – but if you’ll let me, I’ll help you heal them. But you have to make that decision for yourself. I know how I feel about you, and I am not afraid to show you all of me. You’re a coward, Ben Solo.”

“I… Rey…” Ben knew he was a goner. How could he ever explain the fact that he loved her so much he had to withhold those words to protect them both? “She,” Ben licked his lips, his heart pounding in his chest as he thought about what Bazine had done to him. “She just… she cheated on me, you know. With her Yoga instructor.” Rey looked at him, her eyes still brimming with tears. Reaching out, she took his hand once more, lacing her fingers back into his.

“I was doing this lecture at Stanford, so I was gone for a week. I, um… I got this phone call from our cleaning service, asking me if we were moving. Ten minutes before I was supposed to give an hour long lecture, and I get that phone call. I tried calling her – Bazine – but of course, she didn’t answer.” Ben’s eyes were distant now, and Rey could tell he was lost in the pain of the memory of Bazine’s betrayal. “We, we didn’t live in New York then, we were in Chicago, and she… she just left. She took everything - even our damn dog, and she left me. She moved to Hawaii with her Yoga instructor, Geoffrey. Apparently, they had a kid together or something. But she didn’t stop by just leaving me. She drug me through the courts, portrayed me as an abusive spouse – after she drained our bank accounts, she demanded I pay her alimony, and the court… the Judge… even with my Mom being a Senator – she got everything. I had to sell the house and change jobs, because she had my tenure revoked after telling my boss that I was sleeping with my teacher’s assistant.”

Rey could feel the raw pain through their bond, even without it, she would have been able to feel it. Ben had been betrayed by someone he had loved, and the wounds left by Bazine had flayed his flesh from bone. Wounds like those would take time to heal – and patience and understanding. Rey wanted to seek the harpy out who had wounded her soulmate so deeply, just so she could tell her that she didn’t know just what she had given up so callously.

Ben was a wonderful man, and Rey felt lucky that the universe had chosen her to be his soulmate. She would never treat this gift she had been given with anything more than love, patience and understanding. She would be there for Ben in whatever capacity he needed her to be. Right now, he needed her to understand why he was so scared, why he didn’t want to give over his heart so easily.

Biting her bottom lip Rey nodded and squeezed his hand softly before leaning her forehead against his gently. “I understand, Ben. I…I’ll be here when you’re ready.” Her eyes went to his, and the raw pain she saw in their depths made her want to weep for him. She may have her own cross to bear – but Ben – her gruff, brilliant and gorgeous soulmate, well, his wounds ran much deeper than the ones she had. She would be strong for him. She would help him through everything.

“That’s why you haven’t kissed me more,” Rey said softly, her forehead still resting against his. Rey had tried to tell herself there was a reason, because there hadn’t been a day that she and Ben hadn’t seen each other since Montana – but late at night when she was alone in bed, the old feelings of abandonment and feeling unwanted always found a way to creep into her psyche. Did she want to kiss the man she loved? With everything in her – she wanted to kiss him, and a whole lot more.

 

Ben gulped and nodded. Refraining from touching Rey besides holding her hand or cuddling on the couch as they watched television had been a feat of epic proportions for him. He was a man, after all, a man in love with a gorgeous woman – but he didn’t want to take their relationship to the next level yet. Once he kissed her, Ben knew, he wouldn’t be able to stop, and he wouldn’t be able to stop touching her either. How could he justify taking so much from her when he couldn’t give her what she wanted in return?

 

Still, Rey deserved an explanation, so Ben tried to voice it as best he could. “It’s… it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s simply that you deserve to have all of me when it does happen. How can I justify taking something so precious from you when I can’t give every part of me to you in return?”

 

Ben was stunned when Rey smiled at him, love shining in her eyes, even though tears were still pooled there. “Oddly enough, Solo, that’s one of the sweetest, most romantic things you have ever said to me. Now, find me a movie to watch – especially if it’s one that makes you roll your eyes and grumble a lot – and let me cuddle up next to you and watch it while you read some boring ethics journal or send scathing emails to your colleagues.” Rey grinned at Ben as she moved, putting her head on his shoulder and sighing in contentment as one of his arms circled her shoulder to pull her in closer to him.

 

Ben Solo was her home, and that would never change.

 

Ben, of course, complained about the rom-com he found for her to watch, one he knew she loved, and tried to ignore how good it felt for her to be so close to him. She made him feel content and loved, and Ben knew Rey would do anything for him. She was amazing, through and through, and as she watched her silly movie, Ben nuzzled her hair with his nose as he read through some of his student’s papers, letting out a snicker at some of the ridiculous concepts they came up with for topics.

 

Rey looked at Ben, shaking her head slightly. “Why are you so happy that these poor students are going to fail this assignment? You do realize 99% of them are terrified of Professor Ben Solo, right?”

 

“Yeah. It’s great,” Ben replied, shaking his head and typing out a quick comment on one of the documents.

 

“You are a jerk, Ben, you know that?” Rey replied, shaking her head slightly again as she snuggled closer to the portable furnace that was her soulmate.

 

“Yeah, but you love me,” Ben said without even thinking about his words. They just felt natural.

 

“Yeah. I do,” Rey responded, wishing she could get the same admission from Ben. She felt love through their bond – and now she understood why Ben couldn’t tell her yet. She only hoped she could show him somehow that she wasn’t like Bazine, that she would never leave him. Ben Solo was her heart, and he and Rhys were her entire universe wrapped up in two people. Ben needed time, though, time and patience. He wasn’t an easy person to deal with on a good day, but Rey knew that underneath the gruff, sometimes mean exterior, was a man who had been deeply wounded and scarred by someone he had loved deeply, and she also knew that Ben was kind and generous. All of those attributes and experiences made him into who he was today, and she wouldn’t change him one bit, even if she had a way to.

 

....

 

Sweden was breathtaking, and as they deplaned, Rey took everything in for a few moments, her mouth hanging slightly open as she looked around. Everything was so lush, so green – so different from New York and London. As Ben led them into the terminal to gather their luggage, Rey let herself be led, her eyes dancing from one place to another as she took everything in. Ben chuckled in her head through their bond, clearly amused at her reaction.

 

_ Wait until it gets dark, sweetheart. They light up the cruise ships down by the water in different colors. You’ll be enthralled. _

 

Rey looked up at Ben, a huge smile on her face. “Then I guess you’ll have to take me on a walk after you take me to dinner, won’t you?” Ben just grunted in reply, although Rey could tell through their bond that he was perfectly content with taking her out to dinner. She just had to remind herself that in a day or so – Ben would know the truth – they were  _ soulmates _ , and she wasn’t going anywhere.

 

After getting their luggage, Ben got them situated in a taxi, and Rey’s face was practically against the window as she looked at all the buildings, the medieval architecture and narrow streets capturing her attention so completely, she didn’t even notice Ben’s eyes on her, a small smile on his face.

 

The taxi came to a stop in front of a modern looking building, with windows facing the water, and Rey finally realized they had stopped, turning to look at Ben before glancing out the window. “We’re staying here?” Ben simply nodded before paying the driver and sliding out of the car, reaching back in with one large hand to help Rey out, as well. After retrieving their luggage, they made their way inside, and Rey held back as Ben went to check them in, looking around in awe at the entrance of the hotel.

 

She felt like she was in a dream – like her life was a fairy tale and she was a Princess. All of that changed when anger flashed through their bond, and Ben came stalking across the lobby towards her.

 

“Ben? What’s wrong?” Rey had a million things going through her mind, from there being no reservation, to Ben receiving a message regarding Rhys and that something had happened to her baby when she was an ocean away from him.

 

“The room,” Ben hissed out after a moment, his hand going to his hair and pushing it back off his forehead. Rey looked at him for a moment, waiting for him to continue before noticing his lower jaw working overtime as he tried desperately to control his temper.

 

“Ben. What’s wrong with our rooms?” Rey asked softly, reaching out with a hand to grab his.

He huffed, his eyes narrowing as he glanced back at the reception desk before running a hand through his hair once more. “Room. Singular. Apparently, my mother saw fit to book only one room, and the hotel is full.”

 

Rey made a mental note to thank Leia when they got home – she may be diabolical – but this time it worked out in Rey’s favor. Sharing a bed with her soulmate was something she had thought a lot about – and she knew it would be glorious. Apparently, though, Ben had other feelings about it.

 

“It’ll be fine, Ben. We’ll make it work. Stop looking like you want to murder the desk clerk, it’s not his fault. We’ve also seen each other in our pajamas more than once, it’s not a big deal, Solo.” Rey squeezed his hand and forced him to look at her. More often than not, she found that touching him helped his anger to dissipate. Ben was an intense man, prone to intense emotions – if she could be the calm balance to that, then she would be.

 

It was just another reason they were soulmates – they balanced each other perfectly. Ben was all harsh angles and intensity, and Rey was soft curves and calm. Rey had believed that from the day they had ignited their soulbond.

 

Ben made a sound which Rey always associated with him giving in to her, it was a combination of a whiny growl and a sigh, and he grabbed their luggage almost angrily and started towards the elevators without saying another word. Rey followed behind him, shaking her head softly and trying not to smirk at the hulking beast of her soulmate stalking towards the unsuspecting bay of elevators.

 

As Ben reached the elevators, he put the luggage down and poked angrily at the ‘up’ button with a long finger, trying to keep his anger and anxiety at bay. It wasn’t bad enough that he had practically been  _ forced _ to come here for these moronic tests, but now he had to somehow share a room, and a bed, with Rey while keeping his hands and lips off her – and he didn’t know how he could resist. One look from her with those soft hazel eyes, and Ben was a goner. He had realized it the other night at dinner with his parents. When she looked at him with those eyes and spoke to him in his head – Ben was her slave.

 

He didn’t like giving up power to anyone. Giving up power meant you gave the other person a way to destroy you – and Ben was never letting that happen again.

 

The elevator doors slid open, and Ben hefted their luggage up again as they both stepped onto the lift, and Rey looked at him, raising her brows questioningly for a moment before asking, “Which floor?”

 

“Twelve,” Ben mumbled, his hand going to his hair once more.

 

“Ben,” Rey said softly, her hand now reaching up to rub his upper arm through his shirt, “It will be okay. You’ll see.”

 

“Rey,” Ben said, sighing as he tried to figure out how to tell her what was on his mind. He had made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t make advances on her until he had figured his own head and feelings towards her out. Now, he might very well be facing the fact that they were soulmates – and that would change everything. He didn’t like change, almost as much as he didn’t like giving up power.

 

“Yes, Ben?” Rey could feel he was conflicted, and she kept her eyes on his, letting her love for him seep into his brain through their bond. He might be insufferable sometimes – but he was  _ hers _ . She wanted him – all of him – the good, the bad and everything in between.

 

The elevator stopped, and the doors opened on the twelfth floor, cutting short any hope of Ben’s answer until they were in their room. Ben stalked down the hall, and Rey once more followed him, stopping behind him as he fit the keycard into the slot on the door to their room.

 

As Ben stepped aside to let Rey into the room first, her eyes went to the large set of windows on one side of the room, and she let out a delighted squeal as she went to them, practically ripping open the sliding glass door on one of them and stepping outside onto the small balcony. It overlooked the water, and Rey closed her eyes, a smile on her face as the Swedish air ghosted across her cheeks.

 

She was in a beautiful place, with the man she loved, the man she was soulbound to – this was Rey Sands personal version of Heaven.

 

Ben, however, had a different opinion on matters, as Rey looked out from the balcony, he looked around the room, wondering how in the hell he was going to get through the next few days with his sanity intact – if he had ever been truly sane, anyways. Still, he found her joy almost infectious, and as he joined her on the balcony, he couldn’t help but notice the glow around her.

 

“You know, Solo… I could almost forgive you right now for being a dumbass and not believing in… this…” Rey gestured between them to indicate she was referring to their relationship. “And I… I really want you to kiss me… but you are  _ so _ not going to, are you?”

 

Ben shook his head before turning and heading back into the room. He wasn’t ready to talk about any of that with Rey, not until he fully understood everything that was happening between them. He had to stay distant, at least in that aspect. With a low growl, Ben eyed the bed once more before pulling his laptop out of his carry-on, intent on distracting himself from the things that were obviously on Rey’s mind.

 

Rey came back inside after she started to get chilly, settling herself on the bed as she watched Ben, scowling at his laptop screen and typing furiously as he shook his head. After a few moments of allowing him to bring yet another student to tears with his remarks, Rey stood and walked to where Ben sat, reaching around him and flipping his laptop screen closed.

“Hey! I was in the middle of something!” Ben replied, half-turning to look at her.

 

“You’re not ignoring me anymore, Ben Solo. Not here. Not when we have what will be the most important days of our life ahead of us. We need to work this out, so we know where we’re going after we get these tests done. I can’t go on hoping and wishing for something if you don’t have the same ideas for what you want for us.”

 

“Rey,” Ben said softly, “I…” He licked his lips, letting the truth of things settle over him. Rey had his heart, his love, and he would gladly cut his heart out and deliver it to her on a silver platter if she requested it. He already knew what the tests would find out – that they were, indeed, soulbound – but Ben was a man of logic. Cold, hard facts ruled his existence, and until he had those facts, he couldn’t let himself falter from the path he had set himself upon.

 

“I… I want to kiss you, okay? I want to kiss you and fuck you and make love to you until we’re both quivering, exhausted messes. I… I want to… Rey… just, I need these two days, okay? I need these test results back, and I need to know…before I can do anything.”

 

It suddenly dawned on Rey what Ben was trying to say, and she looked into his eyes. “The bed thing. It’s bothering you because we’re going to be lying next to each other for two nights, and you aren’t ready to give up the power yet. Not until you know for certain that we’re soulmates. Because you’re afraid I’ll leave you like she did if we’re not bonded and you give me that power over you.”

 

Ben nodded, his eyes relieved as he looked at Rey. Of course, she would be able to articulate what he was feeling perfectly. She  _ knew _ him, better than he knew himself sometimes, it seemed.

 

“I respect your wishes, Ben. And I… I understand. We were both hurt deeply by our previous relationships, and we are definitely not healed completely from them. But, you realize we can help heal each other, right? I mean… we know each other’s thoughts and feelings. That’s more than most people have, and there’s nothing I won’t do for you. So, with that being said, is cuddling in bed out of the question while sharing it, or would you prefer I sleep on the floor?”

Ben narrowed his eyes at her, earning a smirk from Rey.

 

“You are not sleeping on the floor, Rey. And I’m not adverse to… cuddling. But if you hog the covers, we will have issues.”

 

“Good. Now that we have that settled, I am  _ starving _ . Buy me dinner, Professor Solo? With the promised walk afterwards?”

 

Ben stood, smiling down at her, and Rey’s heart stopped for a moment. “As you wish,” Ben intoned, gesturing towards the door.

 

….

 

After having dinner at a restaurant that Rey was positive would cost her two days salary, followed by a slow walk along the stunning Scandinavian waterfront, Rey was exhausted when they got back to their room, jetlag finally catching up to her. Looking at Ben, she smiled. “I get the shower first, since I take short showers and you take  _ forever _ .” Rey’s smile got bigger as she watched Ben shake his head. “Besides, you can take the time to emotionally wreck more student’s lives via email. I know you live for that,” Rey teased as she gathered everything she would need for her shower.

 

When she emerged from the shower five minutes later, feeling sleepy and refreshed, Rey slipped into the bed as she watched Ben’s fingers flying over his keyboard. She yawned before saying, “How many papers did you shred while I was in the shower?”

 

“Only three,” Ben replied in a low rumble as he shut down his laptop and closed it before turning to look at Rey. “That’s my side of the bed, Rey. You’ll have to sleep on the other side.” Ben started to gather his things for his own shower, trying not to glower at Rey as she grinned at him.

 

“Make me, Solo. Or, you could just cuddle up next to me and we both share  _ our _ preferred side of the bed.”

 

“You’re an insufferable brat,” Ben remarked as he headed into the bathroom.

 

“I know,” Rey answered, smirking.

 

When Ben emerged from the bathroom twenty-five minutes later, Rey was asleep. With a frustrated sigh, Ben slid into the bed on the opposite side of Rey, doing his best to relax until he could fall asleep.

 

When they woke in the morning, they were a mess of entangled limbs, Ben’s arms locked around Rey as her head rested on his chest – like two magnets that had drawn together in the night, bound by their mutual attraction to the other.


	7. She Blinded Me With Science

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey get the answers they seek in Switzerland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smuttening is happening... finally, guys!
> 
> Many thanks to my beautiful newlywed Beta and moodboard Goddess, [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)! She writes some as well, so please check it out!
> 
> Thank you to Teresa, [drnucleus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drnucleus), for the scientific discussion with me about the science included in this chapter. :) She is brilliant, and an amazing writer as well! Check out "Starman" & "Bedroom Hymns"!
> 
> Thanks to Marissa, Jade, Daga, and the rest of my cheerleaders in the Den and House Swolo. The depths of my love for you is endless!
> 
> And thanks to my readers... I may always tease that there's only 5 of you - but I see you. I read your comments, and they warm my heart. I am so thankful for you all!

[](https://imgur.com/6hw5HbR)

The Raddus Brain Center was situated on five acres of forested land on the outskirts of Stockholm – making it seem more like a cozy resort, as opposed to a state of the art scientific facility. Rey couldn’t help but stare at everything as the taxi pulled up to the front of the facility, and Ben watched her with a small half-smirk on his lips.

If this turned out the way they both wanted – he would show her the world, just so he could see that look of wonder in her eyes over and over again.

They walked inside, and were immediately greeted and shown to Dr. Ackbar’s office. He was an impressive man with bulging eyes and large tufts of white hair that Rey was certain could never be tamed with any amounts of gel or hairspray.

“Welcome, welcome,” said the doctor, standing to grip both their hands in turn. “Please, have a seat.” He waved a hand towards the chairs in front of his desk before taking his own seat. Looking between them, he smiled before speaking again.

“So, your dear mother tells me that you have found your soulmate, Ben. She also told me that you need proof of it before you accept it as the truth. I am assuming that this lovely lady here is the soulmate in question?”

Ben sighed, running a hand through his hair before nodding, his eyes trailing over to Rey, who was grinning at the doctor – of course.

The doctor nodded, smiling at Rey’s obvious enthusiasm before explaining to them in detail what the tests would be like, looking between them both afterwards with a soft smile. “Please, before I answer any questions you may have – let me make an observation?”

Rey looked at Ben before looking back at the doctor, both of them nodding at him curiously.

“I have been doing this work, this research, for many years now – ever since soulbonds and soulmates were discovered and started to be studied by the scientific community. I’ve got a sense about these things by now – and I can tell, just by looking at you together – if you are not soulmates, you still deeply love and care for each other. I hope the test results provide you the proof that you need, Benjamin. Now, do either of you have any questions?”

Rey wanted to chuckle at the doctors question – because of course Ben had questions – about the testing process, how the data was recorded and interpreted, and how the accuracy of the studies had been so far. Finally, after Doctor Ackbar had answered his questions to his satisfaction, Ben sat back in his chair, nodding to himself.

After the paperwork had been signed, giving permission for the testing, both of them were whisked away for a day of blood draws, MRI’s, EEG’s and other tests that Rey had trouble remembering at the end of the day. When they finally left for the day, there was a chill in the air, and Rey shivered slightly as they waited for their taxi to arrive. Without a word, Ben slid out of his suit jacket, draping it over Rey’s shoulders and smiling at her as she looked up at him gratefully.

“Thanks,” she murmured, slipping her arms inside the soft fabric, the smell that she had come to associate with Ben filling her nostrils and making her feel content and warm inside – much like Ben’s presence made her feel. She slid her hand into his as they waited for the car, and after it arrived and they were inside, Ben looked over at her.

“So – are we exploring the city again tonight, or would you prefer we stay in and order room service or order something from a restaurant?” Ben’s dulcet voice slid over her like a warm blanket, his soft eyes looking into hers as he spoke. She would do anything for this man, whether they were soulmates or not.

“That depends,” Rey said after a moment of thought. “Are you going to spend that time yelling virtually at your students through email, or are you going to spend it with me, watching movies that I know you’ll probably hate and, you know, cuddling?”

Ben squeezed her hand softly before answering, “So, no making my students cry and watching your horrifically bad rom-coms while cuddling, or going out around people? Hmm…” Ben tapped his chin with one long finger while pretending to think before smiling at Rey. “You win. I do have to check in with my co-workers, though. Is that acceptable?”

Rey nodded, smiling at Ben before glancing out the window at the city passing them by. She knew how important Ben’s job was to him, and she admired him for his dedication to it.

Three hours later found them stretched out on the bed, a movie playing on the television as they picked at their dinner, which was spread out in takeout containers on the bedspread before them. Ben was spending far more time watching Rey than the television, though, and finally, with a sigh, he hit pause on the remote, his eyes meeting hers as she raised a brow questioningly at him.

“Rey, I just… I want you to know I do,” Ben said softly, reaching out to take one of her hands in his.

“Do what, Ben?” Rey murmured in reply, giving Ben a soft smile as she sensed how hard this was for him.

“Care about you,” Ben replied, his face flushing a bit as he maintained eye contact with her.

 

“And… well, if the results show we’re not soulbound, I, um… I still want to, you know, be with you. Date you. And be in Rhys’ life too… even if he is a little germ bag, he’s cute enough.” Ben grinned at Rey, caressing her wrist softly with his thumb.

“Well, fortunately for you, Ben, I already know what the results of the testing will be… but it’s nice to know that you’d still want to be with me if we weren’t soulmates. And Rhys  _ is _ cute, isn’t he?” Rey winked at Ben before grabbing the remote and pressing play on it. “Are you going to finish those fries?” Rey eyed the food in his container that he hadn’t touched yet, and Ben chuckled as he pushed the container towards her.

“All yours,” he said, although Rey wasn’t certain if he was referring to the fries, or to himself.

“Bet your sweet ass you are,” Rey murmured with a smirk at him. “The fries too.”

“Brat,” Ben remarked as he went back to watching the movie, rolling his eyes at the actresses on the screen. “Please tell me not all women think like them?”

Rey smirked and shook her head. “Nope. Of course, not everyone has an amazing man in their life like I do.”

When they went to sleep that night, Ben didn’t fight Rey for his side of the bed. Instead, he enveloped her into his arms and they fell asleep with her head on his chest, listening to his heart beating away.

….

The next day was another whirlwind of testing, with Ben and Rey spending most of the day apart. Sitting in separate rooms, they were asked to talk about what the other was thinking or feeling, which both of them answered easily enough with great clarity. They were always aware of the other, always able to feel each other’s emotions and thoughts.

That night, they had to endure a sleep study, so that they could be hooked up to machines to map their sleep patterns, especially if they had one of their dreams where they interacted with each other. Neither Ben nor Rey were surprised when they did visit each other in their dreams – it was a nightly occurrence when they were not together.

Still, neither of them slept well, and they woke still tired the next morning. Fortunately, there were no more tests to be done, so they spent the day together, taking the ferries between the different islands and going to the many museums the city had to offer.

Rey was radiant, glowing with wonder and light as they took in the sights together. Ben loved watching her like this, he couldn’t get enough of the light in her eyes. He hoped the test results were the ones he had been hoping for, and that this crazy bond between them was a soulbond – because he never wanted to see anyone else with Rey but him.

The call came as they were stepping off the ferry and trying to decide where to have dinner, and as Ben answered the call, he smiled at Rey as he hailed a taxi to take them back to the center for their test results. He could feel the panic coming off Rey – she was worried that the results wouldn’t be what they thought for some reason. As she clutched his hand tightly the whole ride there, Ben tried to be the calming energy she needed, letting it seep through their bond.

“Please, come in,” Dr. Ackbar said with a smile after their arrival, waving them into his office. As he turned his computer monitor towards them, so that both Ben and Rey could see, he started to explain the different tests and their results to them both.

“There is an area of the brain that we have found – for lack of a better term – comes alive with a soulbond. It can only be seen with a PET scan, but both of you definitely have increased levels of activity in your hippocampus, which is seen here for you, Ben, and here for you, Rey.”

Rey and Ben both peered at the computer monitor, Ben nodded thoughtfully after a moment. Rey just tried to make sense of the pretty colors on the screen, although she did see an area on both scans that matched, which she guessed was the area in question. Now she wished she had spent more time in biology listening, instead of designing robots and sketching plans out in her notebook.

“We’ve also found some indications of a soulbond from your bloodwork and genetic testing,” Dr. Ackbar continued. He hit a combination of buttons on his keyboard, bringing up a new set of data on the monitor now.

“You both have higher levels of transposon. It’s a genetic unit that can jump to new spots on a genome. In the case of a soulbond, it jumps to the oxytocin and dopamine receptor promoters as a transcription enhancer. Basically, what that means is that when you are with your soulmate – or even near them – you are happy and content. The downside is that if you ever find yourselves apart, depression could set in. As for the other elements of your bond - the telepathy, emotion sensing and dream sharing and visiting – I have only ever heard of this in one other couple. The Andor’s, a lovely couple… I believe they are in Scarif now. What you two have is rare, and I am happy to have been able to provide you positive results.”

Rey looked over at Ben, a smile coming to her lips as she squeezed his hand. “So, Doctor, what you’re saying is that, not only are we soulmates, with a soulbond – but we also have a rare kind of soulbond that doesn’t exhibit in people a lot?” Rey smiled at the doctor, and he smiled back before nodding at her.

“That’s correct, Miss Sands.”

Doctor Ackbar was beaming as he stood, handing Ben a folder containing a thumb drive with all their data and test results before showing them out to the lobby. “Please, if either of you require anything, let me know. Also… an invite to any nuptials, or photos of the children that come in the future… those are always welcomed.”

Rey beamed at the doctor, letting out an excited squeal as she threw her arms around him for a hug. Ben simply nodded at the doctor, thanking him once more and shaking his hand.

As they walked out of the building and hailed a taxi to head back towards their hotel, Ben tried to ignore the smug smirk on his soulmate’s face as she threaded her arm in his. With a low groan, Ben finally choked out, “Just say it, Rey. Get it out of your system.”

The words bubbled from Rey’s lips as a half-giggle. “Benjamin Solo – they just scienced the shit out of you!”

Ben rolled his eyes and grumbled. “I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I? I am doomed to live out my life with you constantly reminding me of my need for scientific proof that we have some bond between us.”

“Yep,” Rey poked him gently in the ribs. “But if you think I’m bad, wait until your mother starts in.”

Ben groaned again as their cab pulled up, and as he helped Rey inside before sliding into the seat beside her, he found her grinning at him.

“Just kill me now. Put me out of my misery before my mother starts in – please?” Ben begged.

“Nope. You heard what the doctor said. I would get far too depressed without you. And what would Rhys do without me?” Rey winked at Ben before leaning closer to him. “I guess you’re stuck with me, Solo. I think you can handle a little teasing every now and then.”

“I think I can handle it,” Ben smiled at Rey before deadpanning, “I’ll just be extra mean to my students to compensate.”

“Benjamin Lucas Solo! You will not!” Rey looked at him in mock horror, poking him gently in the ribs again as the taxi pulled up to their hotel.

“I so will,” Ben smirked at Rey before paying the driver and sliding out of the car, reaching back in with a large hand to help Rey out.

They stood on the sidewalk for a moment, both of them starting to talk at once.

“So-“ Ben said, stopping as Rey started to talk.

“So-“ Rey said, giggling as Ben said the exact same thing. Everything seemed different now somehow, as if Ben’s acceptance of their test results made the air a bit lighter and the world a bit brighter. Everything felt right, on some cosmic level that was far beyond her understanding.

Ben’s voice came into her head then. _Don’t worry. I feel it too. Like everything is just right._ _Like the world has fallen into place finally. All because I am not fighting it anymore, I guess._

“So, our room?” Rey asked, a slow smile coming to her lips. She was hungry, they hadn’t eaten dinner yet, but she wasn’t exactly thinking about food right now. Ben was standing beside her, looking at her – and there was nothing between them anymore. They could finally be together completely.

Maybe she was hungry for something, after all.

Ben looked at her and Rey stepped forward, her arms going around him as she planted a kiss to the exposed skin on his neck. “We can eat dinner later,” she murmured in his ear, watching the delicious color spread across his face.

She could have sworn she heard him say, “Fuck food,” under his breath as he pulled away from her, taking her hand in his and practically pulling her into the hotel. The elevator was thankfully empty as they got on it, and Rey turned to him, wanting so badly to kiss him. It would be their first  _ real  _ kiss, though, and Rey decided it would be better if done in the privacy of their room, and not in a semi-public place. While she wanted him – she ached for him, and had for weeks now – she wanted everything to be perfect, because their first time should be, after all they had been through so far.

Ben seemed to have the same thought process, because even though their thoughts to each other were pure filth, they both had no desire to be caught pants down in a hotel elevator.

Ben ran a hand through his hair as he watched the numbers above the elevator door light up. It was, clearly, the slowest elevator in the universe, and Rey snorted beside him, her hand reaching out and grabbing his.

_ Maybe you’re just horny _ , she thought to Ben, earning a glare from him.

_ And you’re not? _ He thought back, one eyebrow cocking upwards at her.

_ That’s the real reason you’re so mean to people, you know. Lack of sex makes people grumpy. It’s a good thing you have science supporting our soulbond now, because once I get done with you, you won’t have a reason to growl at people in the streets just because they look at you anymore. You’ll be as mellow as a kitten… _ Rey smirked up at Ben, who just shook his head, a tiny smile coming to his lips.

_ Doubtful. I hate people _ , Ben thought back as the bell sounded with a small ‘ding’, the door opening on their floor.

Both of them, somehow, managed not to sprint to their room, but as Ben fumbled with the keycard, Rey let out a huff of annoyance. Finally, the door swung open, and they were inside their room, both of them looking at each other and practically panting.

It didn’t take long for Ben to pull her into his arms, his lips crashing down on hers, full of longing and need unlike anything she had experienced before. For a first kiss, it was incredible, and Rey felt like a person dying of thirst, finally getting a drop of water across their parched tongue. Her tongue skimmed over his bottom lip before meeting his, her hands finally getting to sink deep into his hair. She’d dreamed about what it would feel like to kiss him like this, and to sink her hands into those gorgeous locks, but her dreams had been sorely lacking from the reality of it.

Kissing Ben was glorious, and the sounds he was making already had her core clenching with need. His lips were perfect, soft and plush, and the heat of his mouth as she plunged her tongue into its depths made her heady with need.

She had already waited far too long to be with her soulmate.

Ben maneuvered them backwards, towards the bed, his lips never leaving hers. His fingers were plucking at the buttons on her shirt, each one coming undone with alarming speed as his tongue danced over hers. The backs of her legs hit the bed, and she sat, letting out a small groan of frustration that their lips had to part. Her frustration was short lived though, because Ben helped her lay back, his body covering hers as his lips came back to hers.

This… this was the true definition of kismet.

She didn’t want to waste any time with clothes between them, so Rey set to work unbuttoning and pushing Ben’s shirt off his body, satisfied when he assisted and the fabric drifted to the floor beside the bed. Finally, she could explore his chest, his fingertips grazing over the well-muscled skin there. Ben was apparently in the same mindset as her, because he had her shirt unbuttoned and on the floor with his shortly thereafter, his hands reaching under her to undo the clasps of her bra before pulling the fabric off and depositing is on the floor with their other clothes.

“You’re beautiful,” Ben said softly, his eyes drinking in her sun-kissed skin.

“So are you,” Rey said softly, her eyes pulling away from his chest to look into his eyes.

Ben’s lips crashed back onto hers again, both their hands soft as silk as they explored the other’s skin for the first time. The rest of their clothes were shed at some point, though neither of them could remember just when, since they were both completely consumed with the other.

His lips burned a slow trail down from her lips to her ear and neck, where he whispered how beautiful she was, and how much he had been aching to touch her since the day she had spilled coffee on him. Then his lips met the hardened bud of one of her nipples, and the groan that fell from her mouth was positively blissful. Her fingers curled into his silky hair, and as his other hand pinched gently at her other nipple, Rey knew that Ben had always been the man she was waiting for. Sure, they had both been in failed marriages, but perhaps those relationships had failed simply because they were meant to – so that they could find each other.

His mouth moved to her other nipple, and Rey lost all capability at rational thought after that. Ben’s lips and tongue were glorious against her skin, and she was a breathless, limp mess in his arms already. As he blazed a trail lower, Rey’s core was aching with need, and she didn’t think she had ever been more ready to have a man’s attention on that particular part of her body.

Ben’s breath was hot on her skin, and he parted her legs gently, allowing his broad shoulders to settle between them as he placed hot kisses on the inside of one thigh, moving to the other after a moment. As he licked a long strip from her core to her clit finally, Rey bucked her hips upward, both her hands tugging at his hair. Even though she tried to urge him to go faster with her heated moans and pleas, Ben refused to pick up the pace, his tongue and lips licking and sucking away at her swollen and slick folds, and when he finally sank a finger inside her, Rey was certain the noise that came from her lips could be heard throughout the hotel.

“You taste delectable. Nothing like I imagined,” Ben said softly in a sexy growl, “You’re exquisite, Rey.” He added another finger inside her, pumping them gently inside of her as he went back to work with his mouth and tongue.

His fingers curled, teasing the spongy, sensitive tissue inside her, and Rey let out another filthy moan, her hips pumping and grinding into his lips, her fingers pulling and tugging more at his hair. He pulled his fingers out of her, and she let out an annoyed hiss, which soon changed to another moan of pleasure as his tongue started a slow assault of her core now, moving in and out as he worked her sensitive nub with his thumb. She bucked her hips more against him, the tension that had been coiled inside her snapping as pleasure raced across her nerve endings.

She came with a loud moan of Ben’s name, waves of pleasure crashing over her again and again as she rocked her hips against those delectable and skilled lips of his.

He slid back up her body after she had come down from her waves of ecstasy, his lips meeting hers in a deep, passionate kiss. He pulled away slightly, his forehead leaning against hers as he asked quietly, “We, um, never talked about this, but I have protection.”

Rey ran her hands through his hair lightly, smiling as she answered, “I have an IUD. Besides, I’d love to have babies with you, Ben. You’ve got great genes, apparently. Perfect for me. But that is a topic for later discussion, because I can feel how hard you are against me, and if you don’t sink into me soon, I might die.”

Ben let out a low, almost guttural moan as he kissed her again, positioning himself so his cock was lined up perfectly with her slick entrance.

He slid into her as their tongues tangled, and as her slick walls closed around him, all he could think was  _ home… perfect… _

He gave her a moment to adjust to his size, their tongues tangling, her lips sweet and soft against his. Her hands skimmed over his back and chest, and after a few moments of waiting, Ben moved slowly, until he was fully seated within her. She moaned, her legs moving up around her hips as she started to move, rocking her hips upwards in pace with his.

 

They were so in tune with each other that they found their rhythm easily, the only sounds in the room were soft moans and each of their names on the other’s lips. Ben had never felt anything better than being inside Rey, and she, in turn, told him over and over again how perfectly he filled her, how good and perfect he felt inside her.

It made perfect sense to both of them that they came together, a tidal wave of pleasure and contentment crashing over both of them at once, and as they rode the riptides that pulled them further and further together afterwards, both of them knew they would never be with another person like this again.

Their lips met again and again until finally, Ben pulled himself off her, settling himself onto the bed beside her and pulling her into his arms, her head resting in the perfect spot on his broad chest as she looped one of her legs over his.

With a smirk on her face, Rey said, “New plan for the next four days we’re here. We spend five hours out seeing the sights, and the rest of the time here. Naked. Deal?”

Ben let out a deep laugh, carding his hands through her hair. “Deal. You’re incredible, you know that?”

“Yep,” Rey smiled up at him before reaching up and touching his cheek softly. “But so are you. We make a great pair.”

As she watched Ben get up from the bed later, throwing a robe on to get the room service they had ordered, Rey thought she was the luckiest woman on Earth – because she got to claim Ben as hers for the rest of their lives.

They made love again several times that night, and as Rey closed her eyes finally, wrapped snugly in Ben’s arms, she murmured, “I love you, Ben.”

His arms tightened around her, and as she drifted off to sleep, she heard him respond, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	8. Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey return to New York, closer than before. Old "friends" come to call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite) is my amazing beta and moodboard artist, show her some love!
> 
> TW: A bit of domestic violence. If you can't handle it, stop reading after the line "Rey knew he was feeling the same, his misery through their bond was apparent." and resume reading with the line "REY! She heard through their bond, Ben’s voice frantic as he felt her pain."

[](https://imgur.com/WmwELWY)

After spending their last four days in Sweden doing exactly as Rey wished – five hours sightseeing, the rest of their time blissfully naked and wrapped around each other, the plane trip home was peaceful for them both.

Rey curled up in one of the plush leather seats, her head on Ben’s lap as he scowled at his phone. Shaking her head slightly, she said softly, “Students or colleagues?” One hand came up to caress his face softly as she looked at him.

“Neither,” Ben replied, looking down at her and smiling. “My mother.”

Leia had been thrilled when she had Facetimed them the day they got the results of their testing, grinning into the screen as she remarked, “You’re an idiot, son. All those brains in your head, and it took you this long to see it. Do I need to start planning a wedding?” Rey just sat beside Ben, grinning like a fool, while Ben scowled at his mother.

“She planning our wedding again?” Rey smiled up at him. Ben sighed, reaching down with one hand to run a thumb over her lips.

“No. She’s just trying to tell me how I should handle things between us. Rey, we do need to decide some things before we get back to New York.” Ben continued looking down at her, his eyes staring into hers. She wasn’t getting feelings other than love, happiness and resolve through their bond, so she nodded up at him.

“Agreed,” she said. “The kale chips need to never make an appearance in your cabinets again.” Rey grinned up at Ben, eliciting a chuckle from her normally serious soulmate.

“You… have options, is more what I was thinking we needed to talk about. You have the option to quit your jobs, Rey. I can support us just fine. Because you are my soulmate, you can go back to college to finish your engineering degree. I can help out with Rhys while you go to school, as well as my parents.” Ben caressed her cheek softly, and Rey could sense hope and love through their bond. He wanted her to be successful and happy.

“And… I think you guys should move in with me. Rhys could have his own room finally.” Ben’s gentle caresses moved back to her lips, and Rey kissed his fingers gently as they passed over.

Smiling up at him, Rey remarked softly, “I like my jobs, Ben. I want to work. As for going back to school – only if I can do it at night, after Rhys is in bed. And no, Ben. We’re not moving in with you. I’ve been doing just fine, working and keeping a roof over our heads. I’m independent, and I don’t need you to pay my way for me. Also, I’m not sure if Rhys is ready for this. He loves his Beb, don’t get me wrong – but he knows who his Dad is, and I’m not sure if introducing another father figure in his life would be good for him. I appreciate the offer, my heart, and I hope you understand my reasoning.”

Ben’s lower jaw worked as he tried to quell the emotions inside him – the feeling of rejection and the old feeling of not being enough for his significant other. He knew Rey was fiercely independent, and he admired that about her. He admired her fiery disposition and the fact that she could handle anything thrown at her with grace and a smile on her face.

“Ben,” Rey said, sensing his self-doubt and internal struggle, “You’re everything to me. I’m not going anywhere – but I don’t want to be a burden to anyone – not just you. Plus, I want to be a good role model to Rhys. If he sees his Mum is hardworking and tenacious, he’ll be the same when he gets older. You get to show him how to burp the alphabet and adjust himself – plus, when he’s older, you can show him how to duplicate your moves on the dance floor. I know you’ll be a good role model to him too.” Rey caressed his face again, her eyes dancing with love and passion for him.

“You could never be a burden to me, sweetheart. I want to take care of you,” Ben replied softly, relief flooding through him at her reassurances. He remembered all too well how broken he had been when Bazine left – but if he lost Rey, there was no coming back for him. She was his soulmate, and made to be his, and he hers.

“I know you do, Ben. And I want to take care of you, as well. Kinda what this whole soulmates thing is. We’re made to take care of each other, no matter what. We got each other’s back for the rest of our lives. It’s a pretty awesome thing, even if you are a giant asshole to most people.” Rey stuck out her tongue at him, and Ben chuckled again.

“Yeah, well, I’m your giant asshole,” Ben murmured, his eyes still shining with love as he looked at her, and Rey beamed at him before nodding.

“Yes. Yes you are.”

….

New York somehow seemed different after the beauty and tranquility of Sweden, and Rey found herself wishing she could go back. She and Rhys settled back into the familiar routine of work, daycare, and spending as much time as they could with Ben. One Saturday afternoon, they had gone to the zoo, and watching her tall, handsome soulmate toting her overexcitable son around on his shoulders, had a smile a mile wide on Rey’s face. She knew Ben would be an amazing father if they had any kids of their own someday.

As they stood in front of the zebra enclosure, Rey saw Rhys, his face sticky from cotton candy, bend down and kiss Ben’s cheek, which had him blushing furiously. “Beb?” Rhys said, and Rey just stood there, holding Ben’s hand and waiting for whatever it was that was on her son’s mind to come tumbling from his lips.

“Yeah, buddy?” Ben asked, looking over at Rey and smiling.

“My Daddy wen ‘way, can you be my new Daddy?”

Ben looked over at Rey, and she could see tears glistening in his eyes.  _ Help, Rey. What do you want me to say? I don’t wanna do this wrong. _ Rey could tell Ben was panicking slightly, and she squeezed his hand softly.

_ That depends. Do you someday want to be his Daddy? If so, then tell him that. If not, tell him in a nice way. _

__

“I’d like that, buddy, but it’s not gonna be for a while, okay? With grownups, everything takes time, because we have to fill out paperwork and have other grownups okay everything.” Ben craned his neck around so he could see Rhys, crossing his eyes and sticking his tongue out at the little boy.

Rhys giggled and started bouncing on Ben’s shoulders excitedly. “Daddy Beb, can we go see tigers and lions now?”

“We sure can, buddy!” Ben looked over at Rey and smiled at her, thinking,  _ Did I do that okay? _

__

_ You did, Rhys is thrilled, Ben. He is choosing you to be his father figure. I’m thrilled. _ Rey looked up at her little boy, who was still bouncing and making airplane noises, his arms extended out wide as they walked through the zoo.

Rey finally felt like the puzzle pieces of her life were starting to fit. She had a man she loved more than anything, who was her soulmate, Rhys was growing like a weed, and was so smart that her heart ached thinking about it, and she had recently started back to college to finish her degree. Having Ben as her soulmate meant finishing her degree was costing her next to nothing – and as long as it wasn’t taking food out of her son’s mouth, or the roof out from over their head – she would do it. Ben was insanely proud of her, and Leia and Han, as well.

She was happier than she had ever been in her life, and Rey knew it was all because she had met her soulmate. She had a family now, and a place in this world. She  _ belonged _ , and it was all she had ever imagined it to be in her dreams.

She and Rhys spent even more time with Ben after that day at the zoo, and Rey knew Ben would like nothing more than to have them there all the time. He had even bought a toddler bed for his spare bedroom, turning it into Rhys’ room – complete with orange walls and dinosaurs, since that was what Rhys had wanted.

One night at dinner, Ben seemed nervous, and Rey watched him curiously as he fidgeted, his jaw working furiously and his left eye twitching slightly. Once Rhys had been settled onto the couch to watch cartoons, Rey walked into Ben’s office, where she found him tapping away at his keyboard, mumbling to himself.

Circling behind him, Rey wrapped her arms around him, planting a kiss to his neck softly. “Gonna tell me whatever it is you’ve been nervous about all night, Ben?” Rey splayed her hands out across his broad chest, loving the feel of the muscles underneath her hands. She loved that this man was hers; heart, body, mind and soul.

“I…” Ben licked his lips before sighing deeply. “I have this speaking engagement at Stanford I have to go to, Rey. I’ll be gone for ten days.” Ben looked terrified as he delivered the news, and Rey sent him little tendrils of calming love through their bond.

“Okay. When do you leave?” Rey asked softly, nuzzling his neck with her nose before planting another soft kiss to the spot where his neck joined his shoulder. She continued to send him love and contentment, hoping to calm the turmoil she was sensing within him.

“Sunday night. Rey…” Ben stopped again, licking his lips once more, his hands clenching into fists before unclenching and coming to rest on the armrests of his chair. Finally, he sighed, using one hand to brush his hair back. “The… the last time I had someone in my life and I left… she… she left me. I’m nervous and I shouldn’t be, I know. I just can’t keep it from my brain. I’m so afraid my phone will ring and I’ll come home and you two will be gone. I’m sorry. I know we’re different, we’re better. We’re fucking soulmates. But I still can’t get over it.” Ben swung his chair around so he was facing Rey, his eyes full of worry. “Forgive me for thinking like that? I was nervous because I didn’t know how you’d take the news.”

“Ben, baby…” Rey buried her hands in his hair, massaging his scalp gently as she spoke. “I understand why you would be nervous, especially after everything that harpy put you through. But I’m not her, and what we have between us goes a hell of a lot deeper. I’ll be here. Rhys will be here. Go be your badass self and do what you do. Besides, it’s not like we can talk to each other anywhere, or know how the other is feeling, right?”

“Yeah. You’ll be okay? I mean, you’re not mad?” Ben was still worried, she could feel it through their bond. Rey smiled at him as she sat in his lap, facing him.

“How could I be, Ben? You’re brilliant. I’m proud of you and all our accomplishments. I’m the luckiest woman on earth to be bound to you!” Rey leaned in, her forehead against his as she looked in his eyes. “I love you. Go be brilliant and we’ll manage for ten days.” Rey kissed him softly, pulling away when Rhys came rocketing into the room. “Mommy, Daddy Beb, I want kisses too!”

They both broke into laughter as Rhys somehow managed to usurp Rey’s spot on Ben’s lap as both adults peppered his little face with kisses.

After Rhys had scampered off again, Ben looked at Rey, and she could sense his need through their bond. “I know it’s four days – but could you guys stay here with me until I have to leave?”

Rey smiled at him. “We’d love to, Ben. It’s not like we don’t have enough things of ours here for a month’s stay or so by now.”

Ben pulled her back into his lap, his forehead resting against hers. “You guys should just move in, sweetheart. Rhys is so comfortable here. I am more at ease when you guys are here. Just… consider it? Please?” Ben reached up to caress her cheek, his eyes meeting hers.

Rey smiled at Ben. She knew that her resistance to moving in with him bothered him, but she clung to her independence fiercely. She wasn’t quite ready to give it up – yet. “I’ll consider it. I have six months left on my lease, and if I break it, I have to pay a lot of money. Okay?”

“Better than telling me no again, so I’ll take it,” Ben smiled at her. “Thank you for staying, sweetheart. I always feel better when I am with you. I only yelled at ten students today instead of twenty – you’re making me soft.”

Rey laughed, and Ben pulled her closer to him. “How long until Rhys is sleeping? I kinda want to ravish my soulmate.” Ben’s eyes were burning in the most amazing way, like they had been since Sweden, whenever he was near her.

“Not soon enough, my heart. Not soon enough.”

….

Rey had to admit, having Ben across the country was horrible. All she wanted was to go see him, or to curl up beside him on his couch as she made him watch movies just to hear him grumble. Everything seemed dreary without him near. Rey knew he was feeling the same, his misery through their bond was apparent.

As Rey made her way home from her second job, she stopped cold as she reached her front door, finding it slightly ajar. She could hear Rhys inside, giggling softly, and as she stepped inside, a sense of dread crept through her.

Immediately, she heard Ben in her head.  _ Rey? Sweetheart? Are you okay? _

__

_ I’m fine. _ Rey thought back as she stepped inside her apartment, her eyes going to where her television  _ used _ to be, her eyes narrowing as she next slid them to where Rhys sat on Thomas’ lap, playing with his stuffed dog.

“Hello,  _ wife _ , how are you?” Thomas smiled at her, ruffling their son’s hair with one hand playfully as Rhys giggled. “I needed some cash, so I sold a few things. Used my key to get in, told Maz to go home early, so I could spend some quality time with my son.”

“Ex-wife, Thomas. And I’m calling the cops. You stole from me. How could you? Your son watches television on that? How could you steal from him, you miscreant?” Rey watched as her ex-husband stood, setting Rhys down on the floor. “Go play, buddy, so Mum and Dad can talk, okay?”

Rhys ran off into the bedroom, leaving Rey watching Thomas with a narrowed gaze. “So, you see, babe, I was a little short on cash. Was feeling a little sick, ya know? I needed to get some stuff. You weren’t home to ask, so I grabbed a few things and sold them. TV, laptop and a couple tablets. No big deal.”

Rey was furious, and Ben’s voice came to her again through their bond.  _ Rey? Sweetheart? Who are you mad at? Do I need to call the police? Please… tell me. I’m freaking out here. _

__

“The laptop and tablets were gifts, you asshole! How could you steal from your son? For drugs, nonetheless! I hate you! Go tell Rhys goodbye, and then get the fuck out, you piece of shit. I’ll have the locks changed, so I don’t have to see you again – and I’ll give you three minutes before I call the cops.”

_ Thomas. He showed up at my place, let himself in with a key he apparently had made, stole my tv and the laptop you got me - with all my school work on it, and both tablets Leia gave us when we were in Montana. I told him to leave, and I’m calling the cops. _

__

_ I already called them, they are on their way. _ Ben sounded worried still.  _ If he lays a hand on you, Rey, I will track him down and beat him senseless. _

__

“Rey, sweetheart, I’m still your husband. No little piece of paper can change how we feel about each other. You know I’ll pay you back, don’t you?” Thomas moved closer to her, and Rey could see the wild, vacant look in his eyes that meant he was riding the high tide of whatever drug he had forced into his veins. She felt fear creeping through her – Thomas was always his most violent when he was high.

“I’m done with you, Thomas. I’m not your wife anymore. I have someone else in my life now. Don’t come back here again, understand?” Rey stood up to her full height, trying to show him she wasn’t afraid.

Thomas, sneering, reached out quickly to grab a handful of Rey’s hair, pulling her face close to his. “You’re still my wife. No one can change that. No man is gonna take my place, and no other man is gonna raise my kid.”

Rey struggled against him, finally bringing her knee up to connect with his crotch firmly. As Thomas started to bend over from the pain, he pushed her violently away from him, ripping out a handful of hair as she fell forward, her eye and cheek connecting painfully with the small kitchen table as she went down.

_ REY! _ She heard through their bond, Ben’s voice frantic as he felt her pain.  _ Rey… Rey what fucking happened? Tell me now, I am getting on the next flight home, I swear to fuck I am going to rip him apart bit by bit. _

__

_ Ben… no. It’s ok. He… he pushed me. I kneed him in the balls though because he grabbed my hair. Please, do your job and do what you need to do, love. I hear sirens, so I know the cops will be here soon. _ Rey did her best to soothe Ben through their bond, but she could sense he was almost rabid in anger, and panic stricken to boot.

_ Rey, _ Ben’s voice was low, and Rey could sense he was practically crying now.  _ I… I can’t do this. Not knowing you are in danger and pain. _

__

_ Benjamin Solo! _ Rey thought back to him,  _ I got this. The cops are here. I’ll talk to you after they take this piece of shit off to jail, okay? I’m fine. Go be a professional. I love you. _

__

_ I know…  _ Ben thought back.  _ I know. _

….

The police had taken Thomas off to jail, and as Rey stared at herself in the mirror, examining the cut and the bruise that was already an ugly shade of purple, she sighed, reaching up to touch the tender skin with shaking fingers.

She was pissed off, more than anything, that Thomas had made a reappearance, and even more pissed that he had access to her home and things. All her work for school had been on the laptop he had sold so callously, and Rhys had already had several tantrums over the fact that he couldn’t play his games on the tablet Leia and Han had bought for him.

_ Are you okay? _ Ben’s voice came to her through their bond, full of concern and barely contained fury.

_ I am, love. Pissed still, and going to have a shiner. How am I gonna explain this to my professors? ‘Hey, I can’t turn in my assignment because my druggie ex-husband sold my laptop?’ I’ll sound like a moron. And Rhys has thrown no less than three tantrums because he can’t play his games. I’m… exhausted. I miss you, Ben. _

__

_ I miss you too. I can cancel everything here and be on the next flight home, Rey. _

Rey knew Ben wouldn’t hesitate to do just that, but she didn’t want him to. He was a professional, and an expert in his chosen profession. He needed to do his job to stay at the top of his profession – Rey would never want anything less than that for him.

_ We’ll be fine, darling. You stay there. You’ll only be gone three more days, anyways. _

Ben was still upset, even as he said,  _ I know. Still… would you and Rhys please stay at my place until I get back? Please? _

__

Rey thought about it for a moment, glancing around her apartment. She had already called the manager, and he had agreed to change the locks today, and after checking her phone, she had realized that Maz had tried to reach out to her, to let her know Thomas had made his appearance again. Rey had been on the subway, though, and hadn’t even noticed the message pop up until after the police had left. After the locksmith changed the locks, Rey didn’t see a reason why she couldn’t gather up some of their things and go to Ben’s – at least then Rhys would have a tv to keep him occupied.

_ We will. I am waiting for the locksmith to get here to change the locks. Are you okay? _ Rey was worried about Ben, they hadn’t been this far apart since they had met.

_ As long as you and Rhys are good, I’m okay. Rey, if I ever see Thomas, I am going to beat him bloody. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you, sweetheart. _

__

_ I know, darling. I know. We’re fine. Three days and then I’ll be kissing you breathless. _

__

_ Deal. I can’t wait. _ Ben was sending love through their bond now, which put a smile on Rey’s face.

__

….

When the door to Ben’s apartment opened three days later, he found his soulmate waiting to do just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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